Post by Racheal Acuff on Apr 21, 2014 16:59:36 GMT -6
When I was 17 my world turned upside down when I lost my best friend Camdyn in a car accident. We were driving home from Christmas shopping in separate cars when his car hit ice and slid off a bridge onto train tracks below. He was thrown from the car and (sorry for the graphics in advance) impaled on a piece of re-bar. I ran down to the tracks and held his hand as he took his last breaths. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through... When the paramedics arrived I had went into shock and their words to me were a complete blur. I didn't know what I was saying or doing, I was nothing. I went into a severe depression that lasted almost a year. The first 6 months were the hardest, I lost patches of my hair, I wouldn't eat and would have nightmares that I would wake up from screaming....When I would go out in public, something without fail would remind me of Cam and I would instantly have a panic attack and would have to leave. I couldn't function... and at the time I didn't really want to. Camdyn was my everything, we had been best friends since elementary school and had dreams of growing old together. He came out to me in high school and confirmed what I already knew, I watched him struggle every day from depression from the constant torment that he received at school once he came out to everyone, and now here I was, in that same dark place, only I didn't have Cam to lean on or turn to, I was alone, and I was mad. I couldn't understand why it was MY best friend that had to die and leave me here. I was in 7 layers of hell and I couldn't get out.. I literally became a shell, people would talk to me and I would barely respond, I didn't have the energy and I didn't care.
My parents at their wits end finally made me go get some help. I refused medication but I did agree to go talk to someone. On the one year anniversary of Cam's death my therapist challenged me to go back to where Camdyn died and confront my final hurdle, the way I felt when he died. I didn't really think I would feel anything because I honestly didn't really remember that night or anything in the days following. Boy was I surprised, as I crested the hill down to where he died my eyes locked with that one dark spot, it almost seemed to have a void around it, and I was utterly shocked by the emotion that followed...I completely broke down, it was like 12 months of emotions exploded and for the firs time in a weird way I felt like there was some sort of hope.
From that moment on I made the choice to live instead of mope around. I knew in my heart that Camdyn wouldn't want that for me... He would want me to be happy and live my life. It's still hard, and I still struggle and have my moments where the pain of missing him comes rushing back and I have a good cry and move on. I am so blessed to have Matt, he is the best friend a girl could ask for and I love him more than he probably knows. He is always my listening ear when I need to rant, He makes me laugh through my tears and I know he will always be there for me no matter the hour! I am so thankful for him, he makes the unbearable days a little bit better and it's a good feeling knowing that I have someone like him in my corner.
As far as advice goes, you can't get better for other people, you have to get better for yourself, you have to be the one who wants to get up everyday and make something of the day. It won't always be sunshine and rainbows but it is another day your alive and breathing, it is another chance to make something out of nothing and it is another day to smile, laugh and love and maybe make someone else's day better. We are always here for you! When you need an ear to vent to or advice or even that push to get up and make the day great just give us a call, shoot us an email, or chat with us here on the forum and we will do everything we can to put a smile on your face!
Much Love,
Rae**
My parents at their wits end finally made me go get some help. I refused medication but I did agree to go talk to someone. On the one year anniversary of Cam's death my therapist challenged me to go back to where Camdyn died and confront my final hurdle, the way I felt when he died. I didn't really think I would feel anything because I honestly didn't really remember that night or anything in the days following. Boy was I surprised, as I crested the hill down to where he died my eyes locked with that one dark spot, it almost seemed to have a void around it, and I was utterly shocked by the emotion that followed...I completely broke down, it was like 12 months of emotions exploded and for the firs time in a weird way I felt like there was some sort of hope.
From that moment on I made the choice to live instead of mope around. I knew in my heart that Camdyn wouldn't want that for me... He would want me to be happy and live my life. It's still hard, and I still struggle and have my moments where the pain of missing him comes rushing back and I have a good cry and move on. I am so blessed to have Matt, he is the best friend a girl could ask for and I love him more than he probably knows. He is always my listening ear when I need to rant, He makes me laugh through my tears and I know he will always be there for me no matter the hour! I am so thankful for him, he makes the unbearable days a little bit better and it's a good feeling knowing that I have someone like him in my corner.
As far as advice goes, you can't get better for other people, you have to get better for yourself, you have to be the one who wants to get up everyday and make something of the day. It won't always be sunshine and rainbows but it is another day your alive and breathing, it is another chance to make something out of nothing and it is another day to smile, laugh and love and maybe make someone else's day better. We are always here for you! When you need an ear to vent to or advice or even that push to get up and make the day great just give us a call, shoot us an email, or chat with us here on the forum and we will do everything we can to put a smile on your face!
Much Love,
Rae**
