There's Something About Me!

In May 2012, I broke my back.

It was, as you can imagine, an awful, awful experience.

I remember the pain, and still suffer from it to an extent, even now, but--to this day--I cannot remember how I broke it.

My last memory of that day was walking down a suburban street just outside Orlando, Florida that I had walked down many times before.  It had been a pretty hot day, so I did my daily walk later in the day, just before sunset.  I remember seeing a neighborhood 7-11 in the distance, about half a mile away.  I don't recall making it to the 7-11, though.

I barely remember arriving at the hospital emergency room via ambulance, and the earliest recollection I have of that day (after the incident) is waking up in the ER in pain, and begging the doctor for relief.  After being given some sort of pain medication, I went back to sleep and the next memory I have is of the doctor waking me up in my room and telling me that I had two choices: back surgery or a back brace for life.  I had only a couple of minutes to make the decision, and settled for the surgery, then I was out again. I know that the surgery was ultimately for the best, so no problem with any of that...I feel just still a bit unsettled knowing that I can't remember anything surrounding the circumstances of the incident that lead to the break.  I never had the chance to ask the EMTs where they found me, so I have no idea where I eventually wound up.

My doctor told me that it was probably a traumatic event that my mind is blocking out, probably because of its severity.

For a while, I was curious just because I'm just not used to not remembering major events in my life.  I even considered hypnosis at one point to see if I could have it dragged out of me.  Now, I am less curious and I'm more scared to remember what awful thing I must have gone through.  I kind of dread knowing, and I dread the idea of all of a sudden having that memory come back to me.  I hate feeling this way.  It's always a thought tucked into the back of my mind.

Not a pretty situation altogether, but it's one part of my tangled web of a life that, unfortunately, cannot be undone.  Repressed memories or not, it's just something I have to live with, I suppose.

Thought I'd share.