Post by Wtdn246 on Aug 22, 2014 21:13:07 GMT -6
Looking for some advice. I'm a mid twenties guy, and have struggled with my sexual orientation for the past 14 years. I grew up in a Conservative protestant family, and wouldn't say that it was super strict by any stretch, but religious enough that my father is a deacon at the church in which I grew up. This obviously creates a tough situation. To better preface my questions, here is a little background on my personal circumstances.
When I was in the sixth grade, I started noticing and paying more attention to guys. I told myself that I was noticing who I wanted to be, the thought that I might be gay never entered my mind. It was around this time that I also got my own computer - which I quickly began using for looking up pictures of what I thought I wanted for myself (good looking famous guys, actors, musicians, etc.) and, to an extent attempted to try to fulfill that image, while not "rocking the boat" at home.
I was not long before I started masturbating, but from the initial time through today, it has been exclusively pictures of men. Again, the thoughts of there being any homosexual undertones did not creep through. I had always been taught that relationships were between men and women, and that was that. Also, growing up in a small southern town, there wasn't much public exposure to, or support of homosexual people. This continued until about 7 years ago, when I got to college. During my freshman year, I saw a tv show where two men kissed, which lead to an almost queasy feeling of excitement in me.
Eager to put to rest an notions of homosexual thoughts, I continued to justify that the reason I masturbated to athletes or actors is because I wanted to look as they did, or similar.
My senior year of college I was in my first serious relationship, and things were bumpy. The girl I was dating and I were growing apart the longer we were together, and I was not becoming sexually aroused at all. In fact though our year long relationship we never had sex. In fact I realized I could not remember being truly aroused by women, but in many instances had been by men. This is when I began to really start questioning.
During 2012, I began the period of wondering, if maybe I could be gay. Was it possible that homosexuality was not a choice (which I have to believe it is undoubtedly the way a person is born, I don't believe for a minute anyone chooses to be gay or straight now). I started telling myself I created this via what I had long masturbated to, but that didn't stop the process.
After graduating college I lived alone for about a year, at which point I began masturbating frequently, only now it was to gay porn. Initially I would imagine just making out with another guy. Eventually I wound up wanting to be involved sexually with another guy.
This brings me to where I have been for about six months. This week for the first time, I did some deep thinking on what coming out as a gay man could mean, but I can't shake the thoughts that there is still the chance I'm not gay.
Today I decided that I finally want to discuss this with my parents. To let them know what I have been going through, and that I believe there is the more likely than not chance I am gay. Is this a topic you would broach from my position or would you continue to keep it to yourself. I've discussed this with nobody. Not sure how my parents will take it, and is it worth the convo if I'm still holding that 5-10% chance I'm straight.
Thanks for your input!
When I was in the sixth grade, I started noticing and paying more attention to guys. I told myself that I was noticing who I wanted to be, the thought that I might be gay never entered my mind. It was around this time that I also got my own computer - which I quickly began using for looking up pictures of what I thought I wanted for myself (good looking famous guys, actors, musicians, etc.) and, to an extent attempted to try to fulfill that image, while not "rocking the boat" at home.
I was not long before I started masturbating, but from the initial time through today, it has been exclusively pictures of men. Again, the thoughts of there being any homosexual undertones did not creep through. I had always been taught that relationships were between men and women, and that was that. Also, growing up in a small southern town, there wasn't much public exposure to, or support of homosexual people. This continued until about 7 years ago, when I got to college. During my freshman year, I saw a tv show where two men kissed, which lead to an almost queasy feeling of excitement in me.
Eager to put to rest an notions of homosexual thoughts, I continued to justify that the reason I masturbated to athletes or actors is because I wanted to look as they did, or similar.
My senior year of college I was in my first serious relationship, and things were bumpy. The girl I was dating and I were growing apart the longer we were together, and I was not becoming sexually aroused at all. In fact though our year long relationship we never had sex. In fact I realized I could not remember being truly aroused by women, but in many instances had been by men. This is when I began to really start questioning.
During 2012, I began the period of wondering, if maybe I could be gay. Was it possible that homosexuality was not a choice (which I have to believe it is undoubtedly the way a person is born, I don't believe for a minute anyone chooses to be gay or straight now). I started telling myself I created this via what I had long masturbated to, but that didn't stop the process.
After graduating college I lived alone for about a year, at which point I began masturbating frequently, only now it was to gay porn. Initially I would imagine just making out with another guy. Eventually I wound up wanting to be involved sexually with another guy.
This brings me to where I have been for about six months. This week for the first time, I did some deep thinking on what coming out as a gay man could mean, but I can't shake the thoughts that there is still the chance I'm not gay.
Today I decided that I finally want to discuss this with my parents. To let them know what I have been going through, and that I believe there is the more likely than not chance I am gay. Is this a topic you would broach from my position or would you continue to keep it to yourself. I've discussed this with nobody. Not sure how my parents will take it, and is it worth the convo if I'm still holding that 5-10% chance I'm straight.
Thanks for your input!
