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Post by arice00 on Dec 21, 2014 12:27:20 GMT -6
Hello all, I am Amanda - 34 year old married woman with 4 kids...been married for 15 years....and I am going through a major identity crisis....I think.
I've always been attracted to both sexes, though I have never told anyone this. To be honest, I am not really sure that saying I am attracted to both sexes is accurate. I am attracted to people that I find attractive or interesting....gender doesn't seem to play much into it. I don't even know what that means and I am finding myself to be extremely uncomfortable with that fact. I feel guilty a lot, and I don't understand that either.
I am female and I identify as female, but feel more comfortable in mens clothing and was always called a "tomboy" growing up. I live for jeans and t-shirts, flannels and converse and HATE the idea of make-up. I even prefer mens underwear. I feel most comfortable when dressed as a man. At the same time, I occasionally like to feel girly and want to dress up, but that is rare. To me, "dressing up" is just that, something to do for fun, almost like Halloween or something, but not anything I want to do regularly.
Lately, I have been very unhappy with things. Life in general, but also I am so confused as to how to express myself. My marriage is suffering because I feel like I can't be the person my husband wants me to be and I am petrified to tell him how I feel because I know he will not understand when I really don't understand it either.
I guess I am asking for advice...or anything that might help me understand what is going on. I feel incredibly stupid in asking this, but I just don't have anywhere else to go to ask.
Thanks all, A
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Post by linzgirl on Dec 26, 2014 4:31:24 GMT -6
I can completely understand the confusion. I too went thru a topsy-turvey 3 years before working out that I was okay. I am okay. All is okay. And life goes forward in leaps and bounds. Hang in there!
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Post by Matt Stout on Jan 13, 2015 0:51:37 GMT -6
Hello all, I am Amanda - 34 year old married woman with 4 kids...been married for 15 years....and I am going through a major identity crisis....I think. I've always been attracted to both sexes, though I have never told anyone this. To be honest, I am not really sure that saying I am attracted to both sexes is accurate. I am attracted to people that I find attractive or interesting....gender doesn't seem to play much into it. I don't even know what that means and I am finding myself to be extremely uncomfortable with that fact. I feel guilty a lot, and I don't understand that either. I am female and I identify as female, but feel more comfortable in mens clothing and was always called a "tomboy" growing up. I live for jeans and t-shirts, flannels and converse and HATE the idea of make-up. I even prefer mens underwear. I feel most comfortable when dressed as a man. At the same time, I occasionally like to feel girly and want to dress up, but that is rare. To me, "dressing up" is just that, something to do for fun, almost like Halloween or something, but not anything I want to do regularly. Lately, I have been very unhappy with things. Life in general, but also I am so confused as to how to express myself. My marriage is suffering because I feel like I can't be the person my husband wants me to be and I am petrified to tell him how I feel because I know he will not understand when I really don't understand it either. I guess I am asking for advice...or anything that might help me understand what is going on. I feel incredibly stupid in asking this, but I just don't have anywhere else to go to ask. Thanks all, A Amanda, First off, welcome to the forums! We are glad you are here! One huge thing I want to hit on is the fact you mentioned you feel guilty. You should never feel guilty. You did not choose this life, so there is no need for you to feel guilty. I know... Easier said than done. But I myself felt so guilty for years when I was dealing with my sexuality, and coming to accept who I really was. Just know that you are perfect just the way you are. Never feel the need to change for anyone or anything. You just have to live your life to ensure you are happy. Because at the end of the day, your happiness, and health, and well being is all that matters. "To be honest, I am not really sure that saying I am attracted to both sexes is accurate. I am attracted to people that I find attractive or interesting....gender doesn't seem to play much into it." --- There is nothing wrong with that. Being attracted to a person for who they are, and not what they are is one of the most amazing things someone can do. When you see a person as who they really are, and you don't prejudge them based on gender, or how they identify is amazing. I wish more people in the world could be like you! However, it is completely okay to be attracted to a person, and not a gender. At the end of the day gender does not matter... all that matters is your happiness. In regards to how you dress. There is nothing wrong with you wearing men's clothes, even men's underwear. It is what makes you comfortable, and what makes you happy, and that is all that matters. You keep being you, and doing what makes you happy in life! We those men's clothes, and wear them with pride!  Embrace who you are, and what makes you comfortable, and happy! "My marriage is suffering because I feel like I can't be the person my husband wants me to be and I am petrified to tell him how I feel because I know he will not understand when I really don't understand it either." When going through a situation like this it is not surprising to hear that your marriage is suffering. I am truly sorry to hear that your marriage is suffering, and more so that you are unhappy with things in life. I know this is going to sound crazy, but the best thing you can do is talk to your husband about it. I know that when I have something that is bothering me in life, even something huge like this, if I do not talk to my partner about it, then it creates real issues between us. But the moment I open up, and talk to him about it the better things get. Will it be hard to open up and talk to him? Yes. Will it be what is best? Yes. Because no matter what happens you finally get that weight lifted off of your shoulders, and you can be who you really want to be. You will not have to "live in fear" or hide who you are. You never know, your husband might just surprise you! "I feel incredibly stupid in asking this, but I just don't have anywhere else to go to ask." Never feel stupid for asking anything here. I work very hard to ensure these forums remain a judgment free zone, and I will always continue to ensure it stays that way. We are always here to help, if you need someone to talk to feel free to email me at MattStout@LGBTSupport.org Let me know if there is anything we can do to help! ~Matt |
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Embrace who you are, and what makes you comfortable, and happy!