I'm Realizing i'm gay and Im scared to death.

zachstin17
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I'm Realizing i'm gay and Im scared to death. Apr 1, 2016 22:43:42 GMT -6

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Post by zachstin17 on Apr 1, 2016 22:43:42 GMT -6

So i'm a 17 year old guy and I have always felt like I was not like other guys. Never liked anything most guys did. I have always had friends that where girls and I have always bean extremely sensitive. I have always felt like I am missing something. And in the past few weeks I have found out what it was. Im gay. I am attracted and long for guys. In the past few years i have thought that I might be bi but after realizing I have never bean attracted to girls at all I realized that I was gay. I think I have bean in denial and suppressing these feeling for a few years so I never thought thought I was gay. I mean I watch gay porn. I dream about having boyfriends. ale the signs are there but I have just ignored them. My family is religious but i'm not. I am having an extremely hard time accepting my self. Im scared to death about telling anyone in my family, I am crying all the time wanted to have a relationship but cant. I have told 2 vey close friends that I trust what i'm going through. Its so hard because I never thought I would be gay ever. but I am and I cant do anything about it. I cry every night thinking about how diffrent my life will be than what I original imagined. I am currently at my brothers birthday party at my grandmas house and I got up and went to the bathroom during dinner because I had to cry. I am more scared than I have ever bean. I always have this falling feeling in my chest every time I think about it. I almost have panic attacks over it. Each side of my family my dad and moms family are Christians. My dad family are hardcore mormons and my mods side are baptists. I love my family so much but thinking about what they might think is extremely hard. I know for a fact there homophobic. There actually yell at the TV if someone is gay or lesbian. I live in a small town called Newberg near Portland in Oregon which is particular known for having a large amount of LGBT people which is reliving to know. I don't know what to do. Im scared and want to tell my mom but I don't want my dad or anyone else in my family to know. But telling my mom is almost a 100% guarantee that she will tell my dad. I am trapped and wanting to talk to someone. I have a therapist but I found out that she can tell my mom anything my mom wants to hear. I have never realized originally that I was attracted to guys because I would not process the fact that I was attracted but just ignored it not thinking about it. When I was a early teen I discovered porn (like the rest of us) and would masterbate to straight porn. I would always focus on the dicks and the guys. It was sex so it turned my horny body on. I discovered gay porn and it would always turn me on. Straight porn stopped turning me on long ago. I also discovered gay furry art which I still love to this day. I even do allot of anal play while I masterbate. I am having a extremely hard time processing this. From the outside Im pretty sure it would be impossible to tell if I was gay or not and my friend was questioning it because I don't fit some of the stereotypes of being gay like talking with a lisp or dressing fashionable. Come to find out thats just a way to express yourself and not a sign that your gay if you did not know that you were. This would be the only person gay in my entire known family including distant relatives. What are some ideas on what to do. I would also love to here your stories and responses?

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lorie07
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I'm Realizing i'm gay and Im scared to death. Jul 3, 2016 23:00:33 GMT -6

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Post by lorie07 on Jul 3, 2016 23:00:33 GMT -6

Hey
I'm actually a 14 year old girl sitting in front of a computer in a considerable small city in Brazil, sorry if I mess up with my english... It all started a year ago when i saw myself in love with my best friend, a girl. All about her enchanted me, her short hair, the way she was herself without caring about anything, the way her eyes get lightened when she talks about the things she loves... I was completely scared and lost, I believe I still am. I'm an only child, in the both sides of my family (my parents are divorced and didin't got married or dated somone again), and I feel the weight about being perfect, marry a man and give my mom the perfect grandchildren I believe she wants, but I don't really know how to feel about that. I have always liked guys, she is the first girl, and I feel like I've found myself, in certain way. My therapist says that what I am is amazing, and the only way to show it to the world it to be comfortable with myself, but with all the anxiety and pannic attacks that follows this subject of my life, I rather deny it, in the most part of the time. I didn't planned being like that, and I don't believe I'm bi either, because boys aren't that big deal for me as they are for other girs of my age. I cry at night too, and everythig is confusing and it's messing up with my head, in the way I've already cut myself, but with the help of my friend I'm being able to "let this go", even it's still hard. I have no examples to LGBTQ+ people around me, only those who still hide behind. I might be young and don't have all the answers, but the only advice I can give and believe that's important, even for me, is: don't blame yourself. People won't always understand you, but, if you are happy, that's worth it. My family is homofobic too, and that also freaks me out, but if I'm not happy with myself and for myself, how can I be happy with them? I always feel the need to run away, maybe for the U.S, idk, because, I don't have any relatives that are gay, and sometimes I hate myself for that, for being who I am. Being gay isn't what will define you, you are who you are, and being gay is a part of that, not all.
Discovering who we really are isn't always a easy thing, maybe we'll have to pass to bad stuff to come with a realyzation, but, what comes to your family, you are a part of them, not all of their beliefs and thougths, you are free to be who you are. Not everyone will like us in the way we are, but that's ok, because someone will, truthfully, believe me. There's a LOT of thigs in the way, but don't put that pressure on yoursef, because, even if that feels terrible, I still believe that is going to be fine in the end, even if it sounds so cliche.
One thing that really helps me is watching youtube and listening to music. So many people pass trough this, and they have a lot to say that really helps.
Not everything will be in the way we imagined, and that's ok too, beacuse it's up to us to be who we want to, even if that concept changes along the way.
I hope that something I wrote here will be able to help you, because I know what you're feeling, never think that you're alone. People can always suprise you, even in the good way. Never give up, especially on yourself

celliriane New Here Posts: 5	I'm Realizing i'm gay and Im scared to death. Aug 10, 2016 0:23:27 GMT -6 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by celliriane on Aug 10, 2016 0:23:27 GMT -6 very sorry to hear that

I'm Realizing i'm gay and Im scared to death.

Post by zachstin17 on Apr 1, 2016 22:43:42 GMT -6

Post by lorie07 on Jul 3, 2016 23:00:33 GMT -6

Post by celliriane on Aug 10, 2016 0:23:27 GMT -6