Am I lesbian or bisexual? Please help

Enz
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Am I lesbian or bisexual? Please help Sept 4, 2016 13:10:57 GMT -6 via mobile

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Post by Enz on Sept 4, 2016 13:10:57 GMT -6

So right from the beginning when I was a little kid I remember wondering did I like girls, I recall going through obsessive phases when I was about 10 and again when I was 13 questioning my sexuality but obsessive phases like these weren't too uncommon for me as I have always suffered from anxiety (beginning to think I have OCD also). During these phases I would feel hyper conscious around women in both my thoughts and feelings, often I think my mind tricked me into feeling things simply because I was focusing on it. But then the phase would pass and things would go back to normal. I've always had crushes on boys, both celebrities and local people.. I went through an extreme obsession with Harry Styles from One Direction where I even fantasised about him. Although something I've always noticed is that when lesbian sex scenes come on TV I feel aroused but aside from that I don't feel aroused by women even when they are naked. So now I'm 18, I've kissed quite a few boys and liked a few. I've fantasised about perfect sex with a boy, I've watched shows specifically to see hot boys, I have a habit of flirting with boys (even though I've a boyfriend).. ive been tempted by boys to cheat on my boyfriend which I know is horrible but It just shows that the attractions I've felt to men have been that strong. I'm currently in a relationship with a guy I've been with 3 years and honestly I do love him. But sometimes I do question if I am 'in love' with him which makes me feel so guilty. There's no questioning that when we first met I was completely uncontrollably crazy about him, I couldn't keep my hands off him. When we first started having oral it was like I was addicted, he has a way of getting me going he drove me crazy. In sex he literally makes me squirt I get so wet I gush which he tells me is a big deal. On an emotional level I was crazy about him, I was so attached to him and fantasised about spending a lifetime with him. A lot has changed now.. In the last two years I've went through depression, I lost some of my best friends which really affected me and he was there for me through it all. He makes me happy, he makes me feel secure and he is my best friend. I can never imagine being without him even the thought makes me cry. But sometimes I find myself questioning do I love him or is it just the security I love? And physically a lot has happened too, over a year ago sex started becoming painful, long story short it turned out it was the implanon I had gotten a few months beforehand but since then my feelings towards sex and even oral has changed. At first I thought it was just the fact my body hasn't realised yet that the pain is gone? On saying that things have changed in the last few weeks my sex drive has increased. So this brings me to the lesbian predicament, I started requestioning my sexuality for about the last month now. And since then I've been playing scenarios in my head trying to see how I'd feel about being with another girl and what I've gathered is that lesbian sex scenes arouse me, when I picture getting a lickout from another girl (and vice versa) I feel aroused. Like really aroused. For the first time ever I've considered the possibility of being emotionally attracted to women and honestly it doesn't feel all that strange to me but in saying that I don't know how that would play out in real life. Also when I picture these scenarios in my head I can't picture what the woman actually looks like it's just kind of blurry, and I've tried picturing getting with girls I consider pretty and also celebrities but I just can't. I've kissed girls before when I'm drunk and it's been fine like I thought nothing of it? Since this started I've been conscious around women and also I feel my thoughts on boys have changed.. Usually I would find myself checking out boys in public places and even on TV but in the last month I haven't noticed that at all. I'm not sure if it's just because my minds so caught up with all this lesbian stuff or if it's because I don't like boys anymore? I'm really confused, I know sexuality is fluid and I get that it's specific to everyone but I really just need some kind of advice or guidance because I am so confused. I just feel like the fact this has been a concern since such a young age then it must mean I'm a lesbian? But at the same time I'm terrified this is my anxiety playing tricks, I have a horrible habit of overthinking and being paranoid.. I'm scared if I break up with my boyfriend I'll realise later in life he was 'the one'. So much has went wrong in my life, depression and anxiety have ruined so much I just feel like he is the only thing that has went so right like our relationship has been so amazing I would be a fool to let him go. I never considered bisexual an option but since researching this online a lot of things I've read on bisexuals has related to me. Please help!!!

Krystal
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Am I lesbian or bisexual? Please help Sept 10, 2016 6:51:37 GMT -6 via mobile

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Post by Krystal on Sept 10, 2016 6:51:37 GMT -6

Hey! OK, so I'll tell you a little bit about me first. I'm a 30 Year old heterosexual female. I am married, actually today is my 5 Year anniversary and we have been together for over 8 years. We have a beautiful little 2 Year old boy who has changed life for us in amazing ways. I am a LGBT Ally, and someone who refuses to see color as a difference, and the same goes for sexuality. My heart broke over the pulse night club shooting, and I cannot understand how someone can hate people because they are not afraid to be themselves. If anything, I find that to be something only strong people can do. Now, your situation. I'm not going to tell you that your young, because at 15, I had my first real boyfriend, and with him I had sex for the first time and even before the sex, I fell in love with him. So, it doesn't matter the age, I'd never tell you that you don't know what love is. What I think happens in a lot of relationships that have gone on for years, it becomes somewhat habit. Like you said, the security of it. If this is the first boy you've had sex with, it may be part of the reason thinking about letting go makes you cry. But in my experience, I can tell you one thing for sure, he will not be your last partner. And I don't mean sex, I mean love. Now that you've had sex, it's only natural to want to explore what else is out there. And I'll be honest, I think most women would admit that the thought of another going down on them is an instant turn on. I find lesbian porn is hotter than hetero porn. For me anyways. When I was very young, like, my parents divorced when I was 4 so before that, I experimented with girls. It was more like exploring a body I think than an attraction, but I do remember feeling tingly in that area lol. I see beautiful women and I say it out loud to my husband, I mean...anyone who is LGBT knows an attractive person when they see one, but doesn't necessarily mean they are attracted to them. You have said that you've never had feelings for a girl, to me that means you are not a lesbian, and at 18, it's only natural to feel like experimenting. Being gay isn't just about sex, or about sex really at all. It's about love and attraction. You cannot help who you love, and it really upsets me when people say its a choice. Like its a choice to be battered because your different. You think anyone would choose to be that way? And I'm not saying you, at all. The point in saying that is, you can chose to experiment with the same or opposite sex, but it won't help you find out if your a lesbian or not. The only thing that can tell you that is your heart. Even if you like same sex better. You cannot force yourself to love something your heart doesn't feel for. You also can't stay in a relationship in fear of losing out on the one. You very well may be missing out on the one because of your fear to let go. And it's hard. I mean, my first was devastating. I was with someone for 5 years who raped me (towards the end) and it hurt me to let go, but I had to. When it comes to the point where your bored, and feeling confused, it may be time to start exploring. You have so so so much time left to settle down. Go live. Safely. Experiment with girls, if that's what you desire. And if you find yourself attracted, and develop feelings for one, don't get anxious! It just means that you have finally found someone you've connected with on that level. And just because you haven't had feelings for a girl before doesn't mean that they won't happen, but I think if you were a lesbian, you'd be attracted physically and emotionally to women and women only. Could possibly be bisexual, but not having feelings for any girl yet just makes me believe that it's time to explore. And i don't mean go out and screw around, well I do, but not recklessly. I seriously think that your questioning it again because your bored. About sex or not, your bored with him. Don't feel bad. And please ever forget this one thing. FEELINGS ARENT WRONG OR RIGHT.THEY JUST....ARE

Krystal
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Am I lesbian or bisexual? Please help Sept 10, 2016 7:00:49 GMT -6 via mobile

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Post by Krystal on Sept 10, 2016 7:00:49 GMT -6

Also, I wanted to tell you that I have quite a few gay friends. One man in particular was married to a woman for years and even had children with her, and is now with a man and has been for a long time. Maybe he was afraid, maybe he wanted children, or maybe he realized after he met the man he's with, that thats who he belongs with. And anyone who's gay and reads this, and if you disagree with anything please feel free to let me know. I'm far from an expert, but I went thru the same thing and even now still thinking women. But only physically. Not emotionally. Stay strong, be yourself. Everyone else is taken!