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Post by Vittoria "Tori" Vaughn on Jun 6, 2014 9:26:24 GMT -6
New Topic!: "Sorry I've been away"
I went dark at the end of may, and for that i'm sorry. I've been having a hard time dealing with my love life, and I figured I would tough it out alone.
I know that relationships are hard, and finding that special someone to share your life with is hard as well. but so is living with unrequited love.
because of how blue I'm currently feeling, i'm reaching out for help and motivation. I feel very alone.
- Tori
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Post by Matt Stout on Jun 6, 2014 16:22:22 GMT -6
Tori,
You are one of the most inspriational people I have EVER met in my life. I am so sorry that you are going through a rough time with your love life. You know that everyone here on our online forums LOVE you dearly. You inspire all of us... every day! Rae, and I are always here to talk if you just need someone to talk to! Thank you for EVERYTHING you do every day! You amaze me.
~Matt
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Post by Vittoria "Tori" Vaughn on Jun 12, 2014 9:41:17 GMT -6
New Topic!: "Compartmentalization" 6/12/2014 partial post 8:40AM "Compartmentalization is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person's having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves. ""Compartmentalization allows these conflicting ideas to co-exist by inhibiting direct or explicit acknowledgement and interaction between separate compartmentalized self states. ""Conflicting social identities may be dealt with by compartmentalizing them and dealing with each only in a context-dependent way. "Source
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Post by Matt Stout on Jun 12, 2014 20:52:49 GMT -6
Interesting! I never knew about that! But oh my... That is a GIANT word!!!
~Matt
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Post by Vittoria "Tori" Vaughn on Jun 18, 2014 9:21:33 GMT -6
Old Topic!: "Compartmentalization" re-visited 6/18/2014
Sorry my post are fewer and farther apart as of late, I've been busy. I recently picked up a second job (yay!!!)
Anywhoo!
The reason I had originally posted on "Compartmentalization" was because I had taken notice to how much time I spent doing just that.
I was going to work just like one of the boys, and coming home to live as one of the girls, all while and separating the two as if they were gasoline and lit matches.
The distance between myself and the boy I pretend to be at work has been making me feel unstable. so, in response I've begun transitioning at work.
I no longer come in dressed in male attire, even that change has still managed to be subtle because of how I dress (punk mostly, as of late because I get to wear shirt dresses and no-one says much). I don't tie my hair up anymore. I always wear my cat-eye glasses now.
overall... the opinion of others is meaning less and less to me, as long as I'm happy with myself.
"Feel like a confident badass, Regardless of how others gender you. because You. Are. A. Badass."
-Tori
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Post by Matt Stout on Jun 18, 2014 23:09:47 GMT -6
overall... the opinion of others is meaning less and less to me, as long as I'm happy with myself.
This might just be the best thing I have read all day! I am so glad that you are being able to be who you are, and you are worrying less and less about what others think! I am so happy for you! Stay strong, and stay yourself!  ~Matt |
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Post by Vittoria "Tori" Vaughn on Jun 29, 2014 0:15:44 GMT -6
www.annelawrence.com/usindex.html I just found this list while browsing for an endocrinologist. Hope it helps someone :-) Update as to how I've been: So to avoid burning the candle at both ends while working more often at my new job as a caregiver, I've begun taken certain days off from my soon-to-be-former employer(already gave him notice, last day 8/1/14) But lazy I refuse to be. I did my FAFSA, picked up hours with an IHSS Client (in home support services), at twenty hrs month, and now I'm planning what classes I will be taking this fall. Both my new job and my IHSS client are aware and accepting of my "in transition" status. This is a joyous occasion for me, as I no longer have to pretend to be cis-male at work. Know that if your struggling with bigotry in your personal life, that you'll be okay. That it's hard sometimes..but, know that only YOU have to live as YOU. Know that tomorrow you'll still be the amazing strong soul rebel you are, And have always been. -Tori
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Post by Morgan on Jan 10, 2015 13:38:20 GMT -6
It's been almost a year since my post before and I got to know myself a lot better due to major dysphoria and reading. Looking back at everything, every step I take changes who I am compared to who I was. Straight, bi, gay. Female, now genderfluid. I still consider myself gay (lesbian) despite being male sometimes. It's hard to tell which is more dominant because the way I feel is often subtle since I was never very feminine in the first place. But when the dysphoria hits I can't help but feel like I'm choking, like I'm misaligned or wrong. The past few days have been awful.
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Post by Matt Stout on Jan 12, 2015 19:54:44 GMT -6
It's been almost a year since my post before and I got to know myself a lot better due to major dysphoria and reading. Looking back at everything, every step I take changes who I am compared to who I was. Straight, bi, gay. Female, now genderfluid. I still consider myself gay (lesbian) despite being male sometimes. It's hard to tell which is more dominant because the way I feel is often subtle since I was never very feminine in the first place. But when the dysphoria hits I can't help but feel like I'm choking, like I'm misaligned or wrong. The past few days have been awful. I am so sorry to hear that the past few days have been awful. Just remember what you said "Every step I take changes who I am compared to who I was." Even though you are having a rough time right now you will make it through this, and you will be stronger than ever. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help! We are always here for you, even if you just need someone to talk to! ~Matt |
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Post by Morgan on Jan 13, 2015 11:15:04 GMT -6
It's been almost a year since my post before and I got to know myself a lot better due to major dysphoria and reading. Looking back at everything, every step I take changes who I am compared to who I was. Straight, bi, gay. Female, now genderfluid. I still consider myself gay (lesbian) despite being male sometimes. It's hard to tell which is more dominant because the way I feel is often subtle since I was never very feminine in the first place. But when the dysphoria hits I can't help but feel like I'm choking, like I'm misaligned or wrong. The past few days have been awful. I am so sorry to hear that the past few days have been awful. Just remember what you said "Every step I take changes who I am compared to who I was." Even though you are having a rough time right now you will make it through this, and you will be stronger than ever. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help! We are always here for you, even if you just need someone to talk to! ~Matt Thank you so much, Matt. It's hard for me because I want to be me but I don't know how to tell people. I wrote a letter for my sister but I haven't given it to her yet. I see my counsellor on Wednesday, so hopefully I can wait and she'll have something positive to tell me. Honestly, I feel like part of the problem is not fully knowing who I am. Like, if I was kidding myself about being straight for a while because it was easier, maybe I'm not really fluid and I'm just not ready to admit I'm ftm, not that it's a and thing. I just hate not being able to know for sure how I really feel or want to express myself. |
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