Post by Morgan on May 21, 2014 22:43:15 GMT -6
Hello,
I am Megan, 22 (in June, anyway), from Canada. I'm currently living at home and going to college. I've struggled with sexual identity and orientation for as long as I can remember - literally, one of my earliest memories is sexuality related.
I was told early on that girls can't like girls and to never mention liking girls again. I took her words literal and from then on struggled with sexual identity. I was awkward around people, didn't seem to fit in either stereotype, but got along with boys better than girls.
I struggled in school, I was conflicted with who I was, male/female - I had no idea what gay meant, nor did I know anything about anything trans-related and I had nobody I could talk to. I pretended to be happy, that I was just s tomboy, but I felt like I didn't desrve to live because I wasn't right. I constantly thought about killing myself, but knew my family couldn't afford to bury me. All that before I was 10.
As I got older and more aware of myself, I did my best to hide everything I felt, good or bad. I struggled with emotions I didn't understand, people I didn't want to associate with and people I liked, but could never tell. When I found out what gay meant, it only brought on more questions I didn't know how to answer. And the, when I found out what transgender meant, I struggled with not knowing if I was gay or male, or if I was just looking for attention, like a friend seemed to think gay people were.
Add in the fact that I did like guys, to an extent. I bonded with them, found them good looking, even thought about them in a romantic way, but never sexual and mostly because I thought I had to. It took me a long time to sort through all the questions I'm sure many people have asked themselves, and I know it's not actually that long of a time, but it felt like ages of pure self-hate before I started to even try to accept myself.
I learned to cope by writing, reading, and finding my spiritual side. I still struggle with it today, but in a mostly contained way. I'm no longer suicidal, though I still deal with depression and anxiety (as well as tourette's and migraines, but that's a different story). I'm out to some of my classmates, some of my friends, but I don't really have any gay friends to talk to. I keep things to myself at home. Thankfully, my parents don't take too much interest in my life, so it's never really come up. I'm at a point where, if someone were to ask me, in most cases I would answer, including my parents. I just don't see a point in possibly causing a stir if I don't need to - not until I move out, anyway.
That was probably way too much information, but there you have it. I also like music, books, writing, and animals.
Cheers
I am Megan, 22 (in June, anyway), from Canada. I'm currently living at home and going to college. I've struggled with sexual identity and orientation for as long as I can remember - literally, one of my earliest memories is sexuality related.
I was told early on that girls can't like girls and to never mention liking girls again. I took her words literal and from then on struggled with sexual identity. I was awkward around people, didn't seem to fit in either stereotype, but got along with boys better than girls.
I struggled in school, I was conflicted with who I was, male/female - I had no idea what gay meant, nor did I know anything about anything trans-related and I had nobody I could talk to. I pretended to be happy, that I was just s tomboy, but I felt like I didn't desrve to live because I wasn't right. I constantly thought about killing myself, but knew my family couldn't afford to bury me. All that before I was 10.
As I got older and more aware of myself, I did my best to hide everything I felt, good or bad. I struggled with emotions I didn't understand, people I didn't want to associate with and people I liked, but could never tell. When I found out what gay meant, it only brought on more questions I didn't know how to answer. And the, when I found out what transgender meant, I struggled with not knowing if I was gay or male, or if I was just looking for attention, like a friend seemed to think gay people were.
Add in the fact that I did like guys, to an extent. I bonded with them, found them good looking, even thought about them in a romantic way, but never sexual and mostly because I thought I had to. It took me a long time to sort through all the questions I'm sure many people have asked themselves, and I know it's not actually that long of a time, but it felt like ages of pure self-hate before I started to even try to accept myself.
I learned to cope by writing, reading, and finding my spiritual side. I still struggle with it today, but in a mostly contained way. I'm no longer suicidal, though I still deal with depression and anxiety (as well as tourette's and migraines, but that's a different story). I'm out to some of my classmates, some of my friends, but I don't really have any gay friends to talk to. I keep things to myself at home. Thankfully, my parents don't take too much interest in my life, so it's never really come up. I'm at a point where, if someone were to ask me, in most cases I would answer, including my parents. I just don't see a point in possibly causing a stir if I don't need to - not until I move out, anyway.
That was probably way too much information, but there you have it. I also like music, books, writing, and animals.
Cheers
