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Post by m on Jan 29, 2015 19:50:11 GMT -6
Hi All, Thanks in advance for your time. My 17 y/o daughter just came out to her dad and I last month. She and her 16 y/o girlfriend told us together. We're 100% supportive and are just so happy they felt they could share this with us. Our concern is regarding the other parents. They are very conservative Christians who discovered the relationship by confiscating a cell phone. They have grounded her indefinitely, taken away electronics, books, forbid any sort of contact with my daughter, etc.. What I am most concerned about is the shaming that I hear is happening. The "you're tearing our family apart," "you're going to Hell," "we'll never pay for college," "we'll block any sort of adoption that you may eventually want." Abhorrent statements that I can't imagine saying to another, especially my own child. I'm not sure how to help without causing further harm to her situation. We have let it be known to her that she is welcome here at any point if she feels unsafe, depressed, etc.. Beyond that, I'm pretty paralyzed and want to be sure of my next move. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks, again. -M.
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Post by Matt Stout on Feb 8, 2015 20:03:08 GMT -6
Hi All, Thanks in advance for your time. My 17 y/o daughter just came out to her dad and I last month. She and her 16 y/o girlfriend told us together. We're 100% supportive and are just so happy they felt they could share this with us. Our concern is regarding the other parents. They are very conservative Christians who discovered the relationship by confiscating a cell phone. They have grounded her indefinitely, taken away electronics, books, forbid any sort of contact with my daughter, etc.. What I am most concerned about is the shaming that I hear is happening. The "you're tearing our family apart," "you're going to Hell," "we'll never pay for college," "we'll block any sort of adoption that you may eventually want." Abhorrent statements that I can't imagine saying to another, especially my own child. I'm not sure how to help without causing further harm to her situation. We have let it be known to her that she is welcome here at any point if she feels unsafe, depressed, etc.. Beyond that, I'm pretty paralyzed and want to be sure of my next move. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks, again. -M. I myself have never experienced this from a parent side, however when I came out I went through the same thing that your daughters girl friend is going through. My mother (It was just the two of us, my father was never in the picture) went off on me. I was always told I was going to hell, that she did not support me, that she wanted nothing to do with me, that she was ashamed of me. Then the time came when she kicked me out of the house. Scared, and alone I had no idea what to do. What I think is amazing is that you have provided your daughters girlfriend with a place to go. She knows that if anything ever happens she can come to you all, and you will provide her with a safe place, and that is awesome! In regards to her parents... at this point there is not much you can do. I fear that if you were to approach them you would possibly make things worse. I know to this day, some 7 years later my mother still does not want to hear about it, or talk about it. My partners parents want to meet her, but she refuses. It is frustrating for me, but know my mother it is best that way. Your daughters girlfriends parents seem to be a lot like my mother, which means there is not much you can do at this point to help. Just be there for her, and your daughter and make it as easy for them as possible. We can hope that eventually things between your daughters girlfriend and her parents get better, but until then just be there for your daughter and her girlfriend! I hope this helps a little! ~Matt (P.S. I think that you being supportive of your daughter and her girlfriend is amazing, and I wish more people had parents like you!) |
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