Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2015 10:45:32 GMT -6
Ok, I'm nearly 34 and still live with parents (no job and still need help financially) but I will be finding a new job once I figure out some things in my life. I know it's ridiculous because I'm nearing my mid-30s, should have had things figured out already, gotten married, had a family etc... but I know not everyone's the same.
Anyway, I've gotten to this age and I have a pretty good relationship with my parents. But I don't always talk to them about everything and I like to have my own privacy and sometimes they respect that and sometimes it feels like they don't. So after all the things I hear about the reactions of people who learn their loved ones are gay and the way gay people are treated, it's easy to imagine how hard it is to come out. It's hard because I don't know how they're going to react or what to do if they react badly. What if they're too shocked or they get angry with me? I've had my whole life to come out to this point but I never really fully did. I say "fully" because I remember telling my mother that I liked girls (I'm female, by the way) when I was 14 and of course, at that age, why would one believe me? Hormones go crazy at the age, right? So I told her I liked them and I'm sorry to say I can't really remember what her reaction was at the time but I don't think it was too positive. I could be wrong, maybe it wasn't that bad. I never told my dad or anyone else. So I could tell them but what if they have a bad reaction, tell me I'm confused, tell me I'm just going through a phase or I haven't found the right guy because I don't meet too many people. The truth is, I don't meet so many people. I'm more of a loner and comfortable with my privacy and being off to myself. Sometimes I hate it when people try to pry and ask every question about what I'm up to, why I'm doing this, where I'm going etc... and I feel like maybe I'm not entitled to my own personal space. The more people pry, the more secluded I begin to feel. I've always been shy as a kid but now, I'm not as shy as I used to be. It's not that I haven't found the right guy. I just don't feel anything about a guy but I do for a female. My family has known me my whole life, it might be weird for them since I never flirted or been with a female around them. Once, I was with a woman who was bisexual but my family thought were just friends so I just left it as that. Then I broke up with her because I thought the relationship was going faster than I was prepared for and because I didn't want to admit that I was in a relationship with a woman and not a man. I wished I didn't feel ashamed at the time to tell people that I like women, not men. The woman I was with is now dead so I can't "come out" then go back to her now. I decided not to get into a relationship until I come out to my family so I don't have to hide the relationship but right now at my age, I really want to open myself to companionship with other women on a personal basis, rather than just knowing women and saying, "hey, how you doing?" and just leave it as that. I've met a lot of attractive women and for a long time, I didn't care for dating again after my girlfriend died but now I've let it go and I want to move on. I don't want to keep a relationship a secret if I don't have to.
My parents aren't strictly religious but some distant relatives are. We never talked much about gay people although my mother has said there's nothing wrong with being gay. That made me a feel a bit better but isn't it different when your own child is gay? How can I convince her it wasn't her fault or my dad's fault or anyone's fault? My dad and I have an okay relationship but he does push my buttons sometimes and I think it's because he's worried about me being really independent and my mother is a workaholic most of my life so my dad raised me mostly, I think. He tends to get aggressive and anxious but then anxiety does run in the family so I don't know about coming out to him first or even after I come out to one person in the family. What do I do if my family denies that I'm gay, telling me I'm confused. I have a learning and physical disability so they could use that and tell me that I'm just confused because of the disabilities. I've been feeling this way about pretty much my entire life and have absolutely no romantic or sexual feelings towards men. What if they say I'm really not gay and saying or thinking it because of my disabilities? My dad could get more aggressive with me if I came out. My sister and I get along great but again, it's hard to come out knowing that I've never been "out" in front of my family and she's known me forever. She lives with her family and they go to church. Although I'm not sure what you call their religion but it's not like Catholic, Baptist or whatever. I'm not very close to many other relatives except my grandmother but you can forget her. She's old-fashioned and has never spoken nicely about gay people.
I'm feeling so much pressure to come out and to be with a woman in a more personal way because I can't help myself when I'm spending a lot of time in an attractive woman's company. It's hard to keep a relationship when I'm keeping it a secret. I tried that once and it didn't go well. What to do if she comes over for dinner with the family? Not smile at her or touch her hand at the table?
Sorry for rambling but I'm pretty stressed about it and I really want to come out but afraid of my parents' reaction and what if they don't approve of my relationship with a woman? The woman may not want to proceed with the relationship if my family don't accept her or the relationship or my being a lesbian.
Sometimes it does occur to me. Maybe my family knows! If they do, how come they haven't told me they know? It'd be so much easier if they just came out and told me they knew. How do I know whether they know and how they feel about it?
If you're out, how did you do it and how did you do it whether just saying, "Hey, Mom, Dad... I'm gay"? It just feels weird just coming up to them and saying it. I wish I knew how to do so without just saying it. I found a website on how to do it but the tips seems too obvious.. like getting a balloon and writing "I'm gay" on it, or a rainbow cake etc....
Ugh, so many questions!
Anyway, I've gotten to this age and I have a pretty good relationship with my parents. But I don't always talk to them about everything and I like to have my own privacy and sometimes they respect that and sometimes it feels like they don't. So after all the things I hear about the reactions of people who learn their loved ones are gay and the way gay people are treated, it's easy to imagine how hard it is to come out. It's hard because I don't know how they're going to react or what to do if they react badly. What if they're too shocked or they get angry with me? I've had my whole life to come out to this point but I never really fully did. I say "fully" because I remember telling my mother that I liked girls (I'm female, by the way) when I was 14 and of course, at that age, why would one believe me? Hormones go crazy at the age, right? So I told her I liked them and I'm sorry to say I can't really remember what her reaction was at the time but I don't think it was too positive. I could be wrong, maybe it wasn't that bad. I never told my dad or anyone else. So I could tell them but what if they have a bad reaction, tell me I'm confused, tell me I'm just going through a phase or I haven't found the right guy because I don't meet too many people. The truth is, I don't meet so many people. I'm more of a loner and comfortable with my privacy and being off to myself. Sometimes I hate it when people try to pry and ask every question about what I'm up to, why I'm doing this, where I'm going etc... and I feel like maybe I'm not entitled to my own personal space. The more people pry, the more secluded I begin to feel. I've always been shy as a kid but now, I'm not as shy as I used to be. It's not that I haven't found the right guy. I just don't feel anything about a guy but I do for a female. My family has known me my whole life, it might be weird for them since I never flirted or been with a female around them. Once, I was with a woman who was bisexual but my family thought were just friends so I just left it as that. Then I broke up with her because I thought the relationship was going faster than I was prepared for and because I didn't want to admit that I was in a relationship with a woman and not a man. I wished I didn't feel ashamed at the time to tell people that I like women, not men. The woman I was with is now dead so I can't "come out" then go back to her now. I decided not to get into a relationship until I come out to my family so I don't have to hide the relationship but right now at my age, I really want to open myself to companionship with other women on a personal basis, rather than just knowing women and saying, "hey, how you doing?" and just leave it as that. I've met a lot of attractive women and for a long time, I didn't care for dating again after my girlfriend died but now I've let it go and I want to move on. I don't want to keep a relationship a secret if I don't have to.
My parents aren't strictly religious but some distant relatives are. We never talked much about gay people although my mother has said there's nothing wrong with being gay. That made me a feel a bit better but isn't it different when your own child is gay? How can I convince her it wasn't her fault or my dad's fault or anyone's fault? My dad and I have an okay relationship but he does push my buttons sometimes and I think it's because he's worried about me being really independent and my mother is a workaholic most of my life so my dad raised me mostly, I think. He tends to get aggressive and anxious but then anxiety does run in the family so I don't know about coming out to him first or even after I come out to one person in the family. What do I do if my family denies that I'm gay, telling me I'm confused. I have a learning and physical disability so they could use that and tell me that I'm just confused because of the disabilities. I've been feeling this way about pretty much my entire life and have absolutely no romantic or sexual feelings towards men. What if they say I'm really not gay and saying or thinking it because of my disabilities? My dad could get more aggressive with me if I came out. My sister and I get along great but again, it's hard to come out knowing that I've never been "out" in front of my family and she's known me forever. She lives with her family and they go to church. Although I'm not sure what you call their religion but it's not like Catholic, Baptist or whatever. I'm not very close to many other relatives except my grandmother but you can forget her. She's old-fashioned and has never spoken nicely about gay people.
I'm feeling so much pressure to come out and to be with a woman in a more personal way because I can't help myself when I'm spending a lot of time in an attractive woman's company. It's hard to keep a relationship when I'm keeping it a secret. I tried that once and it didn't go well. What to do if she comes over for dinner with the family? Not smile at her or touch her hand at the table?
Sorry for rambling but I'm pretty stressed about it and I really want to come out but afraid of my parents' reaction and what if they don't approve of my relationship with a woman? The woman may not want to proceed with the relationship if my family don't accept her or the relationship or my being a lesbian.
Sometimes it does occur to me. Maybe my family knows! If they do, how come they haven't told me they know? It'd be so much easier if they just came out and told me they knew. How do I know whether they know and how they feel about it?
If you're out, how did you do it and how did you do it whether just saying, "Hey, Mom, Dad... I'm gay"? It just feels weird just coming up to them and saying it. I wish I knew how to do so without just saying it. I found a website on how to do it but the tips seems too obvious.. like getting a balloon and writing "I'm gay" on it, or a rainbow cake etc....
Ugh, so many questions!
