Post by bumblebee on Jul 23, 2015 20:06:07 GMT -6
Hello there. I've just found this site, and through all my searching for a nonjudgemental place on the Internet to place my fears and questions, I still can't fully believe that this is the paradise it claims it is. Perhaps it's because of my own doubts, or perhaps it's simply due to my natural anxiousness. The only way I'll find what this site's true nature is through being on it. God, I'm nervous. But I digress. 
For now, I won't ask any questions, or reply to any for that matter. I'll just explain myself.
I'm a teenager. A young, female teenager, 13 years old. I've probably been aware of my sexual feelings since I've been 11. Though, these feeling were never for people; they were for my fetish. And that's how it's always been for me - my fetish has always been above my sexual orientation. I've just assumed that I am hetero, and that's the end of the conversation. No more thought given to it. And yes, I have crushes on boys, the crushes where they can stand out in a crowd of people, where you're always aware of them, blushing when they're around. I've never felt that way towards women. At least, not as strongly, not in that distinctive way. But there is a feeling, and I just can't tell if that's love or not. And with the discovery of the LGBT community, and all the various sexual orientations out there, I've just been getting more confused and more scared of taking any labels, because I'm scared of being "found out" as not fitting the definitions of said labels, being rejected, etc., etc.
This is all so new to me - these feelings, this confusion on what's love and what isn't - that I find myself just running back to my fetish. This source of erotic feelings is always going to be there. I don't need to question it, I don't need to question my thoughts when having sexual fantasies about it, nor do I feel any pressure about doing anything with it. I envy people who feel such a way about who they love, and have hardly any second thoughts because it's just so obvious. Maybe that's not how it works, but if it isn't then you could've fooled me.
And... yeah. That's me. I'm a gal who'd rather jerk off to distended stomachs then deal with the mess that is sexual orientation and its shiny boxes laid out to be placed in. For now, I've just accepted that I can't fit in any of them. Maybe I will someday, or maybe this feeling of isolation and detachment from any group (straight or queer) will linger on to fester for most of my early adulthood. I really don't feel part of the LGBT community, even though many have already accepted me online. My own issue seems so detached from most problems given attention to by the community I hardly feel like it's the right place to get myself sorted out. But anyway, I hope someone will find this and read it. Perhaps others have this problem too. I'd sure like to know. :\
Thank you for reading.
For now, I won't ask any questions, or reply to any for that matter. I'll just explain myself.I'm a teenager. A young, female teenager, 13 years old. I've probably been aware of my sexual feelings since I've been 11. Though, these feeling were never for people; they were for my fetish. And that's how it's always been for me - my fetish has always been above my sexual orientation. I've just assumed that I am hetero, and that's the end of the conversation. No more thought given to it. And yes, I have crushes on boys, the crushes where they can stand out in a crowd of people, where you're always aware of them, blushing when they're around. I've never felt that way towards women. At least, not as strongly, not in that distinctive way. But there is a feeling, and I just can't tell if that's love or not. And with the discovery of the LGBT community, and all the various sexual orientations out there, I've just been getting more confused and more scared of taking any labels, because I'm scared of being "found out" as not fitting the definitions of said labels, being rejected, etc., etc.
This is all so new to me - these feelings, this confusion on what's love and what isn't - that I find myself just running back to my fetish. This source of erotic feelings is always going to be there. I don't need to question it, I don't need to question my thoughts when having sexual fantasies about it, nor do I feel any pressure about doing anything with it. I envy people who feel such a way about who they love, and have hardly any second thoughts because it's just so obvious. Maybe that's not how it works, but if it isn't then you could've fooled me.
And... yeah. That's me. I'm a gal who'd rather jerk off to distended stomachs then deal with the mess that is sexual orientation and its shiny boxes laid out to be placed in. For now, I've just accepted that I can't fit in any of them. Maybe I will someday, or maybe this feeling of isolation and detachment from any group (straight or queer) will linger on to fester for most of my early adulthood. I really don't feel part of the LGBT community, even though many have already accepted me online. My own issue seems so detached from most problems given attention to by the community I hardly feel like it's the right place to get myself sorted out. But anyway, I hope someone will find this and read it. Perhaps others have this problem too. I'd sure like to know. :\
Thank you for reading.