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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 12:25:28 GMT -6
My name is Steve, I haven't been in any relationships, never been loved or in love and never been kissed. I am way in the closet. It is so hard for me, I don't want to disappoint my family. My brother, who is a year and a day older than i, we grew up together had mostly the same friends. He died in 2009 from A.L.S. before he died I had an opportunity to tell him who I was, I wanted so bad to tell him that I was Gay, I thought he should know, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him .
I long to find that special someone, dream of being in love, kissed, having those palpatations and making someone happy. I have so much love to give and so much fire inside. I want to be who I am , i cry all the time wishing I could just come out and start my new life.
Thank you for creating this site, It is going to help so many people, you have no idea.
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Post by Matt Stout on Apr 21, 2014 13:06:58 GMT -6
Steve, First off... Welcome to our forums! You have found a place where even though you are in the closet we will be able to provide you with helpful resources so that when the coming out time does come, you will know that you are going about the the right way, and that you have done everything you can to make sure it is as painless as possible! Second off... I am so sorry about your brother. That must have been a very tough time for you.  In regards to your lack of relationships... Don't get down about it now. Just because you have never been in love, or been loved does not mean you will not be. I thought I had been in love before, but it was not until my current partner that I realized what I thought was love before was nothing more than attraction to someone. Now that I have found true love, I refuse to ever lose it. And this came when I was NOT looking, and not really expecting it. So do not give up, eventually your knight in shinning armor will come!  Coming out is a tough situation. I knew when I was about to come out that I was going to disappoint my entire family. And sure enough thats what happened. Every last one of my family members disowned me... But you know what... In the end it felt better to not be lying to everyone about who I really was. When the time is right for you to come out you will know it. Just stay true to yourself. Make sure you are not making yourself unhappy by trying to make everyone else happy! I'm always here to talk if you need anything, or just need to talk! ~Matt |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 13:14:30 GMT -6
Matt, Thank you so much for being here. You and your team are such amazing people. I have a feeling we will be talking often.
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Post by Racheal Acuff on Apr 21, 2014 13:49:10 GMT -6
Steve,
Welcome! Like Matt said this will always be a place of support, love, acceptance and safety for you!
I am very sorry about your brother. I lost my baby brother right before he turned 2 and that was terribly hard. I can't imagine what it would be like if we would have had our chance to grow up together and then I would have lost him.
Matt and I created this forum as a place where people could come and do exactly what you just did, share your story and any struggles you may have. We are always here for you and when the time comes and you are ready to come out we will be here for you cheering you on every step of the way!
Much love,
Rae**
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 14:16:52 GMT -6
Thank you Rae, you and Matt's words are so comforting. I hope to talk again soon.
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Post by Matt Stout on Apr 21, 2014 16:12:42 GMT -6
Welcome to the forums! I´m sorry to hear about what happened with your brother. Honestly, if you were to come out and your family and friends would be disappointed, then that is an issue they have to resolve on their own. YOu are their child, and they should love you for who you are. You don´t need to deny yourself to people to please them. Live your life the way you want to, and how you want to. Who you sleep with and kiss with is no one´s business but yours! If his family and friends do end up getting disappointed, I agree that is something they have to resolve on their own. However I also know where he is coming from. I know what it is like to NOT want to disappoint your family even if it means you are sacrificing your happiness to keep your family happy. Coming out is a very tough situation and it is different, yet the same for each individual. Only Steve knows what is best for his family. All we can do is prove advice. ~Matt |
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MisterC
My voice will be heard
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Post by MisterC on Apr 21, 2014 17:26:16 GMT -6
Steve,
I can only wish you the best with your family!
If I could give you one piece of advice, it would to be patient with your family if/when you tell them your secret. Remember that you've known about yourself and have ostensibly had time to come to terms with your truth. Your family will probably need some time to digest what you're gonna tell them. It doesn't necessarily mean they won't accept you (it is, of course, my fervent prayer for you that they do), it just means they gotta get things "straight" (pardon the term ;-) in their minds.
However it turns out, Steve, just remember that, by removing this ugly, scary wall between them and you, you are giving your family and friends the most honorable gift of knowing the real, true you. I pray that they will come to understand that, too!
Oh, yeah...no matter what, I hope you ALWAYS remember, too, that you deserve a love that is worth waiting for...and to be loved for all your beautiful, PERFECT imperfections!
Blessings and Peace, my brother! :-)
Clarence (a.k.a. MisterC)
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Post by nathansimko on Apr 23, 2014 3:47:06 GMT -6
Hi Steve and welcome!! First off here is a HUGE virtual hug for you I have a few posts on here giving a little background about myself. In short I grew up in a strict Christain home and Homosexuality is not tolerated or accepted. I spent most of my life trying to change who I was to appease my family. All it did was create a deep self hatred and self identity crisis. You will find the strength to, IN YOUR OWN TIME, to come out and tell your friends and family. No one can tell you when that time will or needs to be. You will know and my hope is that through this site you will get to that point. Please talk with Matt, Rae or Myself if you are more comfortable in private OR if your depression gets to bad we're here for you Steve!! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 9:56:08 GMT -6
Thank you all for your encouraging words and support: Nathan, Co1d Night , Matt, and Rae. It's been an unbelievable struggle for me. How can I possibly disappoint parents who have lost a son and then they could possibly lose me. Co1d Night, I know it's their problem and I want so bad to live my life on my terms.
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Post by Matt Stout on Apr 23, 2014 15:22:01 GMT -6
I wish I had a win win situation for everyone... But I just don't... I know what you're going through. You just want to be yourself, and have everyone love you for who you are... however if you are to be yourself, you're going to disappoint your parents. I went through that struggle for YEARS before coming out... When I finally did come out, it tore my family apart... Just as I expected. I did not come out so I would tear my family apart... I came out so I did not have to lie to myself... or my family any longer. It was a relief being able to be who I am... Eventually my mom came around... She still wont talk about it, but she at least treats me like I am her son... Most of the time. Like I said before only you know what is best for your situation right now! Let me know if there is ever anything we can do to help!
~Matt
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