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Post by nathansimko on Apr 24, 2014 0:36:55 GMT -6
Steve I can't possibly put myself completely in your situation since I haven't had a loss of a sibling. However, it sounds like to me that you are trying to bare this burden simply because your parents lost a son. Even though as tragic as that is, that isn't a justifiable reason to punish yourself. I was interviewed for a podcast last year and I spoke about the empowering feeling I get each and every time I come out to someone. The first time is the scariest and seems so insurmountable. I no longer question IF I'm going to tell someone it's when and why now. Matter a fact I had to come out to a coworker today because he kept harassing me to go out with this chick he knows. He understood and APOLOGIZED for harassing me!!!
The point is... At some point you have to take that first step and trust that no matter what the outcome parents, moms especially have a natural parental bond and will come around. Some more than others. After it's out you might find most of the fear was completely unfounded. Or it might be a huge mess, but that really doesn't matter in the long run. Once you tell one person each time after is easier and easier and once you get a positive reaction from somebody the love and happiness that comes along with that is kind of addicting. As I like to say it's empowering!!
My parents don't like that I'm gay. They think I'm going to hell. However, they both tell me that they love me. Hug me when I visit and understand that this is how I feel. Like Matt said it's not really spoken about but I didn't lose them either. They lost one son I doubt they want to lose you too over your sexuality.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2014 16:03:35 GMT -6
Hi everyone, where do you go to meet other LGBT people? Volunteer? Clubs or Bar's? I really want to meet and talk, develop a relationship first. Everything else can come later. Clubs and bar's, is that just a pick-up place?
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Post by Matt Stout on Apr 28, 2014 17:00:22 GMT -6
For me the best place I have met people is actually online. I know it sounds crazy, but... 1.) It's more convenient. - I don't have to randomly wait around hoping to find someone who may or may not be looking for the same thing I am looking for. 2.) They know what they want... When it comes to meeting individuals online they know what they want, and they are not afraid to tell you. If they are looking for just a hookup, they will be up front about it, if they are looking for a long term relationship they are going to tell you that up front. Its much better than meeting someone in person, and thinking that they want a long term relationship, when all they actually want is a one night stand. 3.) It gives you time to actually get to know someone before randomly meeting them in person. I know it sounds crazy, and you have to be CAREFUL but I find it best to meet people online. Then again I do not need to meet anyone now!  I would avoid the club/bar scene. . . That's just an accident waiting to happen. ~Matt |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2014 17:01:57 GMT -6
Hey Steve, I'm really sorry to hear about your brother and the struggles you continue to go through. It's so important to know that when you do come out, when you are ready to come out, your life will be so much better. People won't agree, but a lot of people will and those people that agree with your decision are the ones that are special.
It's all about finding the opportunity and when it comes along, grab it and don't look back.
I had an opportunity when I entered college (british college), you meet so many new people and at that point, I introduced myself to these new people, got to know them and just casually told them I was gay. ( they already knew, I couldn't hide it but still, saying it is a relief). Once you start telling strangers or new friends, then you'll naturally progress to your current or old friends and then eventually, it will be a lot easier to talk to family. It's a domino effect. If an opportunity like this present itself, starting a new job or a new social group or sport etc... then that could be a great way come out.
But like other members have said, it's all about when you feel comfortable doing it. Fear is the only thing holding you back at this point and fear is an emotion that can affect every aspect of our lives.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2014 17:30:27 GMT -6
Thank you Kaycee & Matt, I so appreciate your advise. I know this sounds strange but, I need to be in love before I sleep with someone, I probably won't meet anyone this way but maybe there is someone out there who feels the same way
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Post by n8vdude on Apr 28, 2014 19:02:04 GMT -6
Heya Steve-
Everyone pretty much has some solid advice. The most important thing I think I can add is - be open, both inside and out. That might sound simplistic, but in truth being open means ultimately being vulnerable. So it can be the hardest thing to do. Even though I didn't grow up in a negative environment (other than the bullies in school), I certainly had friends who struggled with it. I saw it's effects close up and very personal. I get the struggle, I get the waffling over what is and what could be. But ultimately when you take your last breath on this earth do you want to look back and find it to be filled with shoulda, coulda, woulda's?
As Nathan, Matt and Rachel have chimed in - only you know what's the best time to do this. But being open to watching and listening both to those around you and what you're feeling inside will be the best barometer of what's right for you.
And here's another piece of wisdom to chew on - (it was given to me by an elder of my nation on the rez, so I took it to heart) - for those who can't handle who you are, the only one they're shortchanging are themselves. Sure, it may affect you but really if they don't know the real you who do they know, really? A facet, or a slice of the gem of a guy you are. Personally, I'll take the whole damned diamond, thank you very much - imperfections and flaws galore. At least I'll get to witness all the brilliance that comes through that helluva diamond (even if it's in the rough). No one can be you, the real you. All of you. So yeah, my diamond of a newfound friend, shine bright and brilliant, and let the others see ya - really see ya - and I swear to you that sorta brilliance will attract someone's eye. Someone who might be just as 'in the closet' as you are looking for a little glimmer to guide them home. (Okay, that mighta gotten a bit too flowery and prosaic - sorry, but you get my meaning).
Peace and love-
B.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2014 5:32:56 GMT -6
Hi B, Thank you so much for your advise. You are a wise man. If i could be more confident and love myself for who i am, everything else will fall into place.Like you said, I don't want to look back with shoulda,coulda,woulda's. when i die, I want to have loved and been in love.
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Post by n8vdude on Apr 29, 2014 17:50:40 GMT -6
Hi B, Thank you so much for your advise. You are a wise man. If i could be more confident and love myself for who i am, everything else will fall into place.Like you said, I don't want to look back with shoulda,coulda,woulda's. when i die, I want to have loved and been in love. Now THAT'S what I am talking about! Game on Steveb! |
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Post by Matt Stout on Apr 29, 2014 18:52:29 GMT -6
When I die, I want to have loved and been in love. Now THAT is something for the bucket list!! Best of luck! Can't wait to hear about the journey as you travel down this road! ~Matt |
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I would avoid the club/bar scene. . . That's just an accident waiting to happen.
