Post by themaverickmj on Dec 7, 2015 9:22:20 GMT -6
Hi, I'm Mike, and a couple weeks ago, I came out as bisexual. I haven't been quite as open about the "non-binary" part because, well, I think it's just going to confuse folks and make them think I'm willing to go through with things I don't actually want. I'm not transgender. There was a moment a while ago where I thought that maybe I could have been, even spent some time online under a feminine identity. It was a mixed experience, but I got a lot out of it which certainly made it worthwhile.
I have a longer version of my story posted to my personal blog for anyone who's interested in reading it - themaverickmj.tumblr.com/post/134326214441/a-mission-statement-and-perhaps-a-confession. Even that's still missing a few pieces. I'm still unsure whether the term "genderqueer" or simply "non-binary" fit me, but I think I'm starting to feel comfortable with the term "non-binary". I'm just not sure I'm ready to explain that to a family and social circle that only understand the binary. The thing is, most of them already know the score with me - I'm not one that wants to conform to or really cares about gender norms. That's really all this is. It's a state of mind, how I see myself and relate to my sexuality. I'm not confused. I make pretty good sense of it. It's explaining it to other people that's the hard part. No one wants to listen, just jump to conclusions. I know of so many people who jumped to the conclusion that I was gay because I would, at times, show more than a casual interest in someone.
I came out for a lot of reasons, some I'm not sure are worth discussing, yet, but the main one is that, I feel alone. I feel like I don't relate to any of my friends, like, even if they do understand me, I don't really get them. Most of them are straight, married, off with kids and families now. They found their match in their 20s. I didn't. I'm heading into my mid-30s and it feels like, sometimes, I think I missed my window. A big part of that is that, for most of my life, being bi wasn't something I could handle or live with. Plus, my sexuality's kind of also developed with my gender identity, where a lot of straight women and gay men may just not really fit. Most of the straight women I know want this alpha male, he-man, well-endowed sports and testosterone thing that I'm just not. But I'm also not attracted to male features, so much. Body hair, muscles, beards... not my thing. I even find that what I want in a man vs. what I want in a woman are completely different things. Maybe because of how I approach my gender identity, I just don't fit in the straight world. I feel like I had to come out, just to be seen. Even if I'm not totally comfortable with it, because, really, I'm running out of options. My window may very well be closing up, and I've had such a hard time finding someone I could relate to that I've never given anyone a chance to try and relate to me.
So, well, this is me. I'm out. Whether or not anyone actually understands what all the big words mean, I have no clue. I think I'm just building some folks' vocabulary at this point. I'm male as far as anyone wants to know is concerned, but if that's all you're seeing, you're missing the real me. I'm bisexual and, to be honest, lean more towards the feminine in both romantic and sexual attraction. I've dated outside the binary, and it didn't exactly go well, but it had nothing to do with her gender identity. She was just a liar, plain and simple. Liars comes in all types. I'm limited in my sexual experience and have never actually had sex with a male. To be honest, the few times I even wanted to, I never pursued it for fear of being seen as gay and seeing that label hurting my chances of finding my true love. If anything, being bisexual, to me, only means that I've left my options open to whoever best fills my life. I've just seen too many times in my life where even admitting an attraction to a man has immediately put me in a box I don't belong in. And simply because I'm attracted to a guy or willing to have sex with him means that I'm romantically interested or looking to have a long-term relationship. Honestly, I don't see that. Again, what I look for in a man vs. what I look for in a woman are different things. I've had similar problems with women who I have actually been with, who saw some of the things I wanted as, well... weird. Maybe not the best place for details, but I can imagine you can figure that out for yourself. Needless to say, a lot of straight women don't like to be the "man" of the relationship, so to speak.
I'm not even saying that it all comes down to sex. Really, a lot of it is how emotional I am about things. Maybe the best way to put it is like this - a few years ago, I watched The L Word for the first time on Netflix, and about halfway through season 1, they introduce this character named Lisa, the lesbian-identifying male. I saw this character for the first time and had to immediately pause the show. I had to collect my thoughts and ask myself, "wait... this is real? This exists?" I immediately hit my computer and Googled it, and apparently, yeah... it kind of is a thing. Sort of. And from there, my journey to here began as I eventually came to learn, yeah, I'm non-binary. Maybe not "lesbian-identifying male" but something like it. And my bisexuality plays off of that. Like I said, it makes sense to me, but explaining it is a bit difficult.
Since the question may come up, it's male pronouns, male identifiers. I've allowed a few select folks in my life to refer to me by feminine pronouns, and they were in the context of a relationship. I generally present as male, I guess. I tend to believe I dress gender neutral, but in this society, that usually means you're dressing like a guy, so it's not like it's obviously gender neutral or anything.
I have a longer version of my story posted to my personal blog for anyone who's interested in reading it - themaverickmj.tumblr.com/post/134326214441/a-mission-statement-and-perhaps-a-confession. Even that's still missing a few pieces. I'm still unsure whether the term "genderqueer" or simply "non-binary" fit me, but I think I'm starting to feel comfortable with the term "non-binary". I'm just not sure I'm ready to explain that to a family and social circle that only understand the binary. The thing is, most of them already know the score with me - I'm not one that wants to conform to or really cares about gender norms. That's really all this is. It's a state of mind, how I see myself and relate to my sexuality. I'm not confused. I make pretty good sense of it. It's explaining it to other people that's the hard part. No one wants to listen, just jump to conclusions. I know of so many people who jumped to the conclusion that I was gay because I would, at times, show more than a casual interest in someone.
I came out for a lot of reasons, some I'm not sure are worth discussing, yet, but the main one is that, I feel alone. I feel like I don't relate to any of my friends, like, even if they do understand me, I don't really get them. Most of them are straight, married, off with kids and families now. They found their match in their 20s. I didn't. I'm heading into my mid-30s and it feels like, sometimes, I think I missed my window. A big part of that is that, for most of my life, being bi wasn't something I could handle or live with. Plus, my sexuality's kind of also developed with my gender identity, where a lot of straight women and gay men may just not really fit. Most of the straight women I know want this alpha male, he-man, well-endowed sports and testosterone thing that I'm just not. But I'm also not attracted to male features, so much. Body hair, muscles, beards... not my thing. I even find that what I want in a man vs. what I want in a woman are completely different things. Maybe because of how I approach my gender identity, I just don't fit in the straight world. I feel like I had to come out, just to be seen. Even if I'm not totally comfortable with it, because, really, I'm running out of options. My window may very well be closing up, and I've had such a hard time finding someone I could relate to that I've never given anyone a chance to try and relate to me.
So, well, this is me. I'm out. Whether or not anyone actually understands what all the big words mean, I have no clue. I think I'm just building some folks' vocabulary at this point. I'm male as far as anyone wants to know is concerned, but if that's all you're seeing, you're missing the real me. I'm bisexual and, to be honest, lean more towards the feminine in both romantic and sexual attraction. I've dated outside the binary, and it didn't exactly go well, but it had nothing to do with her gender identity. She was just a liar, plain and simple. Liars comes in all types. I'm limited in my sexual experience and have never actually had sex with a male. To be honest, the few times I even wanted to, I never pursued it for fear of being seen as gay and seeing that label hurting my chances of finding my true love. If anything, being bisexual, to me, only means that I've left my options open to whoever best fills my life. I've just seen too many times in my life where even admitting an attraction to a man has immediately put me in a box I don't belong in. And simply because I'm attracted to a guy or willing to have sex with him means that I'm romantically interested or looking to have a long-term relationship. Honestly, I don't see that. Again, what I look for in a man vs. what I look for in a woman are different things. I've had similar problems with women who I have actually been with, who saw some of the things I wanted as, well... weird. Maybe not the best place for details, but I can imagine you can figure that out for yourself. Needless to say, a lot of straight women don't like to be the "man" of the relationship, so to speak.
I'm not even saying that it all comes down to sex. Really, a lot of it is how emotional I am about things. Maybe the best way to put it is like this - a few years ago, I watched The L Word for the first time on Netflix, and about halfway through season 1, they introduce this character named Lisa, the lesbian-identifying male. I saw this character for the first time and had to immediately pause the show. I had to collect my thoughts and ask myself, "wait... this is real? This exists?" I immediately hit my computer and Googled it, and apparently, yeah... it kind of is a thing. Sort of. And from there, my journey to here began as I eventually came to learn, yeah, I'm non-binary. Maybe not "lesbian-identifying male" but something like it. And my bisexuality plays off of that. Like I said, it makes sense to me, but explaining it is a bit difficult.
Since the question may come up, it's male pronouns, male identifiers. I've allowed a few select folks in my life to refer to me by feminine pronouns, and they were in the context of a relationship. I generally present as male, I guess. I tend to believe I dress gender neutral, but in this society, that usually means you're dressing like a guy, so it's not like it's obviously gender neutral or anything.
