Loved my Best Friend, What Does That Make Me?

This is kind of a two parter, I'm not sure if that's allowed. But because of that, this is going to be very long and possibly incoherent and a bit rambly at points so I apologize in advance. So, I'm a girl, and I had a crush on my best friend my senior year and it got really bad my second year of college. But she was very adamant about being straight, almost aggressively so. One example I remember was on prom night, our group of friends were getting photos taken, and the photographer made some comment about couple photos being taken. My best friend and I had dresses that were matching colors and we were hanging out together the whole time, so he probably assumed we were dating. And she very quickly shut that down. (It's been like 4 years I don't remember the exact dialogue, I just remember feeling very hurt after the exchange.) All those instances made me terrified that she knew I liked her and that's why she kept saying she was straight. That it was her way of saying “I'm not interested.” That and a fear of rejection is why I never told her.
Fast forward to December of last year. Things were starting to change. We were video chatting and she was talking about how another lesbian was interested in her (she's had several girls interested in her since starting college). And I jokingly said she should've been a lesbian, that she's letting all these girls down (myself included). And she was just like “yeah, I should,” and the discussion moved on. Some time later we went to get a tarot card reading. Whenever I'm with her and relationships are brought up, I get kind of weird in an attempt to pretend I don't care like a “normal” friend wouldn't care. But really I do care. A lot. And apparently the reader mentioned her possibly dating girls in the future and her energy wigged out. She also reblogged a post on tumblr saying she was a Vans kind of bisexual (which I thought was some kind of inside joke and didn't really put any stock into it) and a personality quiz thing where instead of the usual “sexuality: straight” she said she wasn't sure what she was since she had no experience either way. After years of her identifying as straight, I got so incredibly hopeful at this new development! The old crush definitely flared up again.
And then a few days later I got a message in a group chat between us and our other best friend that she was now identifying as biromantic asexual and had been dating a girl since she had gotten back to school. And I felt the emotional equivalent of getting the wind knocked out of me. Especially because she had talked about this girl before. She was the lesbian who was interested in her. And when my best friend had first told me about her (before the dating) she had said the girl reminded her of me in looks and interests. And of course that started a whole lot of negative self-pitying thoughts. “She's a better version of you.” “That’s what you get for being a coward about your feelings.” “Obviously your friend would never have wanted to date /you/.” “You weren't good enough.” Etc. Etc. I definitely was a really sh*tty friend after The Reveal, due to all my negative feelings. But now everything's mostly back to normal. She's really happy with her girlfriend and I try to be supportive when I can. The crush is mostly gone, but I still feel bitter and self-pitying whenever she brings the girlfriend up or makes tweets about her relationship or how looking back on her life it was always obvious she wasn't straight. So here comes the part where I ask for advice.
Did I ever actually love her? Was it just an intense platonic love of a best friend? Or just possessiveness over my best friend? And should I tell her how I felt? It's in the past so I feel it would only cause problems if I brought it up? To be honest, the only reason I would tell her would be in the hopes that she'd break up with her girlfriend and date me instead, which is an absolutely awful reason.
And she seems to think I'm straight. But at one point I was deeply in love with her so? I never really identified as straight, but I don't really identify as anything. I'm worried I won't actually fit it enough. I've never been in a relationship myself, and if I'm attracted to a guy, it's more the idea of him that I love, rather than the actual guy. It's almost a fantasy that some day I'd achieve a healthy loving relationship with a guy. On the few occasions guys have expressed an interest in me, I get incredibly anxious and shut them out of my life completely. As for girls, I've only had a crush on one other (she was my best friend before the current one). But she was the first of our friend group to identify as not straight so I think it was more of a “wow this is an option” rather than actually liking her. So I'm just very unsure about what my sexuality even is? And I know the only one who can define your sexuality is you. But honestly I'm just worried this is all in my head and I'm just trying to be “special” or just trying to fit in, since most of my close friends are not straight. Also no need to address all these questions. Mostly I just wanted to write this all down and get it off my chest since I've only told two other people about all this. So thank you if you took the time to read all this, and thank you very much if you decided to respond!