Brokenhearted

Ugh! That is a horrible situation to be in. No one wins. Not you, not your daughter, not her fiance, not your mother, not your sister, not your nephew. My family is similar, sort of. A good chunk of my family doesn't care. They are happy that I am happy! Another part of my family, mostly my sister and my husband, is very Christian and believe that my orientation is my choice and that I am actively doing something TO THEM by being gay (hahaha, right) and won't let me see my nephews because I am gay. My other sister is getting married this summer. Both me and my sister are bridesmaids. My Christian sister started to make a fuss about being at the wedding with my and my girlfriend. My sister that is getting married said that this is her wedding, she invites who she wants to invite, and if someone doesn't like it, they don't have to come. Which made me feel great to be supported like that, but also made my anti-gay sister shut up. She wasn't going to win. I would have some very difficult questions for them if they were my Grandmother and Aunt. Like, you say you love me but you won't meet someone that I love, how is that love? And, if they are so Christian, do they not let others in their house who have "sinned"? How are they being like Jesus, who hung out with prostitutes and beggars, if they refuse to show love and care for their family, unconditionally? And what kind of example are they setting if they withhold love because they disagree with someone's "decision" (I know it isn't a decision, but they believe it is). All these could start fights, but if you ask them questions out of a genuine desire to understand them and to show love, they don't have to start a battle. I am sorry that you and your daughter and her fiance are in this position. It hurts so much. Your daughters are lucky to have you! Keep showing your Mom and sister love, no matter what they do, and try to accept that you can't change them. I send my sister a letter once a month. I made my nephews email accounts when they were born and I email them once a month or so. When they are older, I will get them the passwords somehow. I send presents on their birthdays and holidays and sometimes just for fun. I don't know if she reads the letters. I don't know if she gives my nephews their letters and presents. She doesn't write back but I've never gotten them returned to me in the mail. I make sure that I treat them with unconditional love and respect even though they don't show the same to me and to the person I love. I do my best to know that any time they want to have a relationship with me, I will jump at the chance. Even though I don't get to have a face-to-face relationship with my nephews, they will know that I have tried their whole lives and they will know that they have family that accepts them no matter what. My sister knows that no matter what she does or says that I love her, value her, want her in my life, and always will. She's not an active participant in our relationship, but we still have a relationship. I don't know why, but it somehow helps me to feel better about everything. I do my part to love my family, even if they don't love me back. That's all I can do. They made a choice. I try to make it as easy as possible for them to change their minds.