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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 16:49:00 GMT -6
I thought I'd make this thread as an opportunity for everyone to share their stories about coming out, no matter where you're from or who you are, everyone's story is different, but if you're struggling with coming out yourself, maybe hearing everybody else give their input and share their experiences may just help you. For me, I could never exactly "blend in" to a straight society, people were telling me I was gay before I even knew myself and that was hard. A way of dealing with it or any angers or thoughts you need to get out, I would seriously recommend starting up a blog or just writing them down. It helps a lot to see your own words. Here's my coming out story, well, not so much as a story, but a social comment on stories like mine that you don't exactly see or watch on TV and film much: Source: prettyeyedboy.wordpress.com/2014/04/19/a-coming-out-story-from-a-societal-standout/ |
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Post by Matt Stout on Apr 22, 2014 17:14:41 GMT -6
I went ahead and added your coming out story here to make it easier for people to read!
You know the more coming out stories that I read the more I connect with each person. I am like you. I remember the first time someone called me gay I was in kindergarden. Thats the only thing I remember about being that young, but I can remember everything about that moment. Down to what I was wearing, and where we were at. (I guess that bothered me more than I thought.) I ended up denying that to myself, and everyone else for the 10 years. I can even second the voice part, however mine finally started to change slightly in my early 20's.
I am glad you were able to eventually give up on protesting who you were, and you are able to proudly accept who you are! I am glad to have you on board, and cant wait to watch you grown on the forums with us!
~Matt
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Post by Vittoria "Tori" Vaughn on May 19, 2014 23:59:00 GMT -6
Repost from lgbtsupport.boards.net/thread/114/daily-struggle-mtf-dysphoriaSo.. My name is Vittoria "Tori" Vaughn I always loved the concept of being married with kids. When I dreamt of marriage my dad was walking me down the aisle, Into my future, My life... This was one of the many instances in which I realized I had always seen myself as female, So I hid it.(I knew better than to tell my family how I felt) when I started school I started ditching my male friends to hang out with the girls, my dad always played that off that I was a "good talker" (he's from 1948). little did he know I had a crush on my best male friend (from k-4) and had so much more in common with all the other little girls(since forever). but around my dad I'd alway butch up, On occasion I still do. I digress. I went on pretending to be infatuated with my female cohorts as opposed to just being besties(for the sake of my dad)for my entire school career until middle school began. At this point I noticed I had begun having feelings for females as well, and to be honest I took solace in that(they can't disown me if I don't come out). so for the next few years I continued repressing my emotions regarding gender by staying at home(eating) and going to school and getting picked on for my weight. Followed by the return home to eat away the pain and continue life as an ever expanding recluse. While I was putting on the weight I had also begun growing my hair long, the result was a very "passable"(<-hate this word) fat girl. it was when I got to my third try at 9th grade I left school and hid away from everyone I had known. I went on and experimented heavily with drugs from 16-19 years old and lost all the weight(*developed eating disorders) When I was at my all time low, I met an amazing women(and the catalyst so much change within me). she and her little daughter, brightened up my life and made me want to sober up, made me want to live for them, made me.. in time wanna live for myself too. I came out to her because she showed me the love and compassion, that I never felt for myself, that I had never shown myself. that I needed to feel for myself. So at 20 I Came out, and I gained the ability to be open and free and I learned to accept myself regardless of if other accept me aswell... sure I lost some "Friends" and family members, but for all the people I didn't lose who turned around and told me they loved me and it was ok. our bonds are stronger than they had ever been. My Message: Don't Wait too long to come out!/You never now who's gonna surprise you! |
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Post by Morgan on May 23, 2014 20:10:07 GMT -6
Coming out for me was always a bit tricky. I was really confused and denied any feelings, afraid that I'd be found out as either a boy or a girl who likes girls. I hated myself and did my best to hide it, but I managed to fit the "tomboy" picture quite well, so that passed.
Fast-forward to 16 or 17, I had been mentally more secure - well, not secure because I was a wreck - with the fact that I liked girls, but I wasn't sure still if I was actually a girl (oh, and puberty messed with my head SO MUCH. I think growing boobs proved that I hadn't somehow lost my penis as a baby.... yeah, I know.) ANYWAY, I met this girl online through hockey and after talking for hours I finally felt accepted. She was beautiful, smart - loved the same books I loved - and she was so talented. I was in love with her, couldn't stop thinking about her. She made me happy.
While nothing ended up happening, and we're not really friends anymore (issues got in the way), she gave me the confidence to accept who I was. Around the time I was talking to her, I met Zainab, a girl in my English class who I had wanted to talk to since the year before. She was pretty, but had her share of issues. We had a speech for class and she asked me what mine was on (I was determined to pick a topic that meant something, either homophobic or depression/mental health stigma, I choose depression because I wasn't ready to come out yet) and that's how we started talking. We talked about our personal experiences and I ended up telling her that I liked girls, which caused a lot of depression. She accepted me. After that, I was just me around school. I didn't tell anyone else, but I didn't hide it in myself like I had before.
In college, it took me a while to feel if people would be bothered, but I decided not to "come out" but not omit, either, unless I felt I needed to. If it came up, I didn't have to use neutral pronouns or keep from saying names. So, a few people I'm closer with know. We've talked and it's been cool. Sadly, no other open people in my program.
At home is a different story. Socially, I've been fairly lucky. I'm not concerned with my dad and I've come out to my sister (though it hasn't come up since - my family doesn't really talk about things. At all. But she's cool about it), but my mom has used homophobic language all my life, even after my sister and I told her not to. She doesn't seem to anymore, but I'm choosing to be quiet on the subject until I move out.
My cousin found out through a mutual friend and talked to me about it. I admitted it and she's tried to get me to come out - supported me and everything, which I thought was awesome at the time. I later found out she'd been calling me dyke and stuff behind my back since I was a kid (obviously before I told her), which really messed me up when I found out. And my other cousin once said it's gross that same-sex people would want to be together. She was 12 and I had been close with her, so I didn't bother coming out to her. I've had some minor bad experiences, some friends not talking to me anymore, but it's been generally positive once I accepted it. My life would have been much easier if I had someone to talk to - especially going through not knowing if I was trans - it's still something I don't really talk about.
(All my posts on here are really long...)
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Post by Matt Stout on May 24, 2014 13:48:17 GMT -6
At home is a different story. Socially, I've been fairly lucky. I'm not concerned with my dad and I've come out to my sister (though it hasn't come up since - my family doesn't really talk about things. At all. But she's cool about it), but my mom has used homophobic language all my life, even after my sister and I told her not to. She doesn't seem to anymore, but I'm choosing to be quiet on the subject until I move out. Sometimes it is best not to come out to your family till you move out. I know it is a challenging thing to hide who you are from the ones who are suppose to love you regardless... Pic know in my case I didn't come out till my senior year of high school. . . And when I did I got kicked out of my house, and disowned by my family. I should have waited till I moved out on my own... My life would have been much easier if I had someone to talk to - especially going through not knowing if I was trans - it's still something I don't really talk about. That's what we are here for!! You can talk to us!!  we will never judge you, and we will always try to help. If you are struggling with being transgendered. Be sure to check out our transgendered thread. I know Vittoria "Tori" Vaughn can be super helpful to you!! (All my posts on here are really long...) That's okay!! We like long post!! ~Matt |
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Post by Vittoria "Tori" Vaughn on May 24, 2014 19:53:09 GMT -6
"My life would have been much easier if I had someone to talk to - especially going through not knowing if I was trans - it's still something I don't really talk about." Thank you very much for taking the time to share yourself with all of us, I know it's hard sometimes to use a platform like this get your story out but, Thank you! (thank you! thank you! thank you!) and Please feel free to message me if you ever want to talk(links to my twitter and facebook are on my profile here), I'm Here. |
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Post by katmckay on Jun 1, 2014 23:31:34 GMT -6
I'm 16 years old. I've known since I was 9, that I had different and stronger feelings for woman than I had of men. I came out this year. Only to a few select people though. My older sister was the first. I didn't even have to tell her actually... She asked me one day, "Kat, you're my sister and I love you to the moon and back, and I know you. You are hiding something, and I think I know what it is... Are you gay?" . At first I was terrified. I kept saying no to her over and over again. Then finally it came out... I screamed "YES!!!" At the top of my lungs. She looked at me and whispered "I knew it!". We had a good laugh after that. Our relationship has gotten so much strong since than. The second person I came out to was my "best friend", I put that in quotations for a reason... But first I will tell you the story. I facetimed her and she was telling me about how she would never love again and how she hated men, this all being after a very qrotesque break-up... I was just getting so fed up with all of the constant whinning so I told her "at least you will be able to get married anywhere you want... Because I surely can't!". Her reaction was not what I expected... She told me.. And I remember every last word that came out I her mouth... She told me, "you are a disgusting creature... You aren't even human. That is so unnatural I can't even imagine how thinking that way is possible. You are going to hell and burn there for eternity!! You are a freak. A slut. A whore. I can't even believe this... Why are you choosing to be gay... Ugh... Never mind I don't want to know... Good bye you pervert" then she hung up... All I could think about in those next minutes/ hours/ days was am I really that disgusting... But after thinking I thought to myself... "No I'm not disgusting, I am a human being. I am who I am. She is not a true friend. So who cares what she thinks." After coming to this realization I was so releaved. The next and final person/ people I have told is well all of you on here and some of my school mates... Not even my parents know. I just need to find the right time to tell them. I know for a fact that they will be ok with it but I'm just not sure if I can handle it myself. Coming out to them means telling them my biggest, deepest, darkest secret an that's what terrifies me. I hope one day soon I will have the courage to just come out and be brave about it. Love always. Kat R.M. (P.s. Sorry if there are major and minor spelling and grammar errors. I didn't have time to proof read this before submitting this Have a fabulous night.) |
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Post by liam1967 on Jun 27, 2014 19:50:22 GMT -6
Hello everyone my name is Liam I am 46 and only came out 3 months ago, this is my story:
I always felt I was different although I didn't yet know in what way things were going to develop. My boyhood was spent nestled securely in fiercely heterosexual suburbia where the plan for your life is played out before you in the tedium of suburban life, you go to school, get a job, get married, have 2.5 kids and live happily ever after. My first kiss was with the girl next door I was nine and it was awkward and uninspiring. Once puberty hit my attraction to other boys and men through me into suburban hell I had always been a good student but through middle school I wanted nothing to do with school and avoided it as much as possible. I turned to shoplifting Playgirl magazines (this was the early 80's). I had quite the stash hidden behind under my bed when of course it was found. My dad was shall we say "not prepared " for even the possibility of having a gay son so I did what any dutiful 15 year old son would do to not loose the love of his family I lied. He knew I was lying but that was okay at least I wasn't "that way ". So life trucks merrily along I meet a girl I convince myself I love this girl enough to make her my wife all the while delving into porn to feed my constant craving that try as I might has never left me. We marry in a fairytale church wedding surrounded by family and friends and vow before God to love each other till death do us part. Life continues we try for a family and come up against infertility, things are not going to plan is this a joke, some divine retribution for living a lie. So many questions and no answers but still we cling to hope that this will work out. I know we'll adopt, we apply, we wait and wait and wait till we can't do it anymore. Depression plagues me till I can hardly function years go by 22 of them to be exact and then a miracle disguised as adultery saves me from having an unfortunate accident. We split up with some tears but mostly relief. On the day I left I came out to my wife in a letter much like this one. She was shocked but not surprised as the missing pieces of our years together come into place. I came out to my parents 6 weeks ago the event that I had agonized over for literally decades turned out to be anti-climatic. No real drama, no disowned anything, just a " thanks for letting us know " from my always stoic mother and an " I knew you were going to say that.". From my father who had never forgotten that day and my lie 30 years ago. So the moral of my story never underestimate the power of Catholic guilt and an overbearing father and it's never to late to be who were meant to be.
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we will never judge you, and we will always try to help. If you are struggling with being transgendered. Be sure to check out our transgendered thread. I know