Post by jb0909 on Mar 20, 2017 23:06:25 GMT -6
As far back as I can remember....I have ALWAYS liked guys. Pretty much every single crush I ever had was on a guy....Even in kindergarten I remember liking a guy or boy lol. Within the last couple of years.....pretty much off and on....I've had questioning going on if I like girls. I had one experience where I thought I liked a girl....ended up kissing etc. I am pretty sure I was not into it. Then after a couple of weeks....she gave me a hug at one point and I didn't feel anything. I thought.....ok then...I don't like girls. I was fine. Then I have this guy friend who is genuinely my best friend. We have known each other for almost 2 years. All I know in my heart is when he and I became closer as friends....it made me feel so happy and gave me so much confidence in myself....I loved hanging out with him so much...He and I dated for about 4 months until he had doubts about his feelings or if he could fall in love with me. I had doubts and some questioning of course going on. But when he and I would kiss or make out....or he would penetrate me with his fingers.....I would get wet....all of this occurred last year.....and he has told me I would get wet A LOT....and when he and I went on a break.....I just broke down....I don't know if it was because I had genuine feelings for him or what but.....I have never broken down before when going on a break or breakup with someone...but now all that has been going on is whether I have feelings at all for my ex/best friend who is a guy.....if I even am attracted to girls....I have gotten aroused some from watching girl on girl kissing videos but....as far as I know in real life I have not....and my last crush was on a guy friend who is about 5 years older than me.....like I reallly really really liked him....
Now I guess with crushes I don't think of sex.....I do not know why.....but its like while we are making out or if I get wet.....I do not know....like I do not go crazy in thinking...."OH I HAVE TO SUCK HIS DICK...." etc. But from what I remember.....the first guy I was intimate with.....I ended up touching his penis....and the next day at work.....any produce that had that shape.....I believe I would think of penises for some reason....granted this was almost 2 years ago so...
Honestly at this point.....I just am scared of not knowing who I am attracted to.....like I do want to have sex.....I have not had sex yet please do not judge....I know my whole life I have always had crushes on guys.....I may not have thought of sex right away but...I would genuinely go gaga over guys....and now its like I don't feel it anymore.....or if I do it is not as strong....*sigh*
Now I guess with crushes I don't think of sex.....I do not know why.....but its like while we are making out or if I get wet.....I do not know....like I do not go crazy in thinking...."OH I HAVE TO SUCK HIS DICK...." etc. But from what I remember.....the first guy I was intimate with.....I ended up touching his penis....and the next day at work.....any produce that had that shape.....I believe I would think of penises for some reason....granted this was almost 2 years ago so...
Honestly at this point.....I just am scared of not knowing who I am attracted to.....like I do want to have sex.....I have not had sex yet please do not judge....I know my whole life I have always had crushes on guys.....I may not have thought of sex right away but...I would genuinely go gaga over guys....and now its like I don't feel it anymore.....or if I do it is not as strong....*sigh*
You don't need a label to be "normal". And don't worry about not having had sex. Good for you for listening to yourself and doing what feels right to you. You should have sex when you feel it's the right time and when it will be a positive experience (whether its your first time or your thousandth!). It is scary to not understand a part of yourself. It doesn't seem like your lack of going gaga is a bad thing. It might be a sign that you matured, that you are a bit older so your hormones are more under control, and it might be that you need more than what the outside of a person looks like to get all hot and bothered!