Post by idkkk17 on Nov 13, 2017 3:49:51 GMT -6
I don't want to share my name, but I'll say I'm a 14 year old guy with ocd and I'm horrified. Background on ocd, I've never been officially diagnosed but my dad has it which research suggests makes it more common, and I'm horribley, horribly obsessive. I was afraid I was gay about a year ago, and that got so bad I decided if it didn't improve by 20 I wouldn't be able to live any more...But through online help I was able to slowly, face it and break the cycle. And now I've got another problem which as of now is only creating minor anxiety, and extreme loss of sleep. But I can tell it's growing, the thought is running ranpid and I can't stop it, but hey, I can try. The problem is fear that im aromantic, I don't have a problem with people who are but I can't stand the thought of liveing my whole life without a spouse, I want that me gal connection people talk about so bad it drives me crazy, and I've never REALLY fealt it...not even sure if I've ever had a "crush" as people say, I've definatly had sexual attraction...no fear there. The closest thing I've had to a crush was a girl I didn't even know at all, don't even know her name, age or anything, all I knew was she wan an attractive girl around my age, I met her 3 or 4 times, each time obsessing over her, and then I'd go home and continue thinking about her for hours, and then I'd forget until I met her again, and another day of obsessing over her and feeling like I'm in love...that was then, after the fact I feel there's a good chance it was strictly sexual. I felt the desire to get to know her, but I think that desire could've just been my primitive brain trying to figure out how to get laid, I don't have reason to believe it was just sexual over also emotional, enter ocd which ruins everything good it feels like ruining. But then I think with my logical brain and wonder, why would've I only had that ONE emotional attraction when I'm a 14 year old boy? Most guys my age think their in love every other day, but I'm not going to lie i have a feeling what they feel is mostly sexual aswell. I should add another thing(please try not to discriminate over what this image is usually associated with) I'm homeschooled...ive known 1 girl around my age who isn't family, I can't like a person for who they are if I don't know any people, right? That girl is a girl I text everyday but havnt ever met in person, I used to think I liked her, and o probably did I'm not sure, but after texting every day for 1 and a half years that's burnt out and we're just friends. So there's two sides of this story. I've only liked 2 girls ever, that makes me aromantic ima die alone!(my mind) And, I've only known 2 girls in my age group and am pretty sure I liked them both...doesnt that make me normal? See right now I'm feeling like I'm not aromantic but my mind is a mess and in a minute I'm sure I'll be feeling the obsact opisite, and in a few months I'm sure I'll be vomiting from anxiety, because that's what happened before with simmaler issues, but I never tried forums, and getting someone's help, so, please if you read that, know that you could help prevent me from going through a world of misery and suicidal thoughts, please, help me.