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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2014 5:14:27 GMT -6
I was depressed in my early teens, about my sexuality, my appearance, my body etc.. I even turned to self-harming, not in any way as a means to kill myself. I never really understood why, until I watched a TV show recently and one quote described why because "it feels good to heal" and that exactly summed up my reasons.
Eventually I realised my problems were not rational and I eventually found happiness in myself. However, I've recently experienced a break-up in a long term relationship where I was so completely in-love and he just ended it. Ever since I've been completely numb to any feeling and it scares me.
I know it will get better but it's hard to see outside of the rut I'm currently in.
He was my first love, my first everything and it's just so difficult to be happy.
Anyone else felt the sour sting of heartbreak?
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Post by Racheal Acuff on Apr 27, 2014 10:22:44 GMT -6
Kaycee,
I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. I know all too well what it's like to feel the sting of heartbreak. My first true love broke my heart into a million pieces and I thought I would never love again. I felt exactly what you are feeling, I was numb to everything around me. I was just kind of existing in this world, I wasn't really contributing to it, and to make it worse he started dating one of my good friends shortly after we broke up and it was the worst blow of all. I felt betrayed and angry and it made the heartbreak worse. With time it got better, I surrounded myself with people who filled my life with positivity and love. They kept me busy and most importantly kept my mind off of the situation. In no time I found myself laughing and smiling again and I moved on. In time you will feel the same way, until then we are always here for you no matter what! We will be here to lift you up when your down and do all we can to make your days a little brighter. Matt and I are always available to you by email, phone or here on the forums 24/7. Never hesitate to reach out when you need a listening ear.
Much Love,
Rae**
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Post by Matt Stout on Apr 27, 2014 11:24:59 GMT -6
Kaycee,
I am so sorry for your recent breakup. Breakups are always so heard. Even more so when it is your first love. My first breakup from my first real relationship was awful. It took my years to get over it. However looking back on it now, I find my self asking "Why?" ... Why did I mope around for so long? . . . I would HATE for you to look back in a few years and think the same thing. I know it is hard for you right now, trust me I know that feeling all to well. However, stay strong, and pull through. Even you said You are right, it WILL get better, and it is hard to see past the rut you are in right now, but you have to MAKE yourself. Do not let your self sit around being depressed. I know... you think: easier said than done... When I would go through a really rough breakup, I would MAKE myself get up and do things to keep my mind off of it. Anytime something would come up that would make me think about him I would take a few minutes . . . Have a little bit of a depressed moment, then pull through and continue to be strong.
It will take you some time to come out of it, but in the end you will see why it didn't work out with him. It may be YEARS (trust me, I've been there) But eventually someone is going to come into your life, and they will make you forget about him, and then you will realize why it never worked out with him!
We are always here to help, if you need anything please let us know!
~Matt
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2014 15:07:37 GMT -6
Thanks for the support guys.
it's like I'm out of my body, looking at myself knowing that it will get better, that in a few months time I'll be fine, but my physical self just can't acknowledge it. It's very hard. We made so many plans for our future, we talked all the time about moving in together and about how much of a good life we'd share. Then just like that he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore, that he wants other people and it just knocked my confidence in myself completely.
It seems that everything reminds me of him. I went out for dinner with a friend today, and I saw a gay couple on a date, on the exact table where me and him had a date too and it really just hit me hard. Like you said, when I'm busy or with friends then I'm completely fine, but the very second I'm alone, I just break down.
I've been drinking a lot of wine lately, that seems to help a little.
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Post by Matt Stout on Apr 27, 2014 15:36:56 GMT -6
I'm so sorry. Just think, its better he decided he was not in love with you now, as opposed to in another year or 2 after you got moved in together, and built up even more of a life together. I mean its not a good thing at all, but it could have been worse! We just have to try and find the positive in everything! I know its hard, just think of finding someone new (which I know is not what you WANT to do right now) who loves you more than he ever could have been able to, someone who will NEVER leave you, never cheat on you... When you are down and alone, find things to entertain you to keep your mind off of everything. Be it playing video games, or blogging, or talking with friends. . . Just something to keep your mind off of everything! Just do NOT let yourself break down! You have to stay strong... For yourself, not for anyone else. Racheal and I can attest ... Wine makes everything better!!  ~Matt |
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Post by Racheal Acuff on Apr 27, 2014 15:47:13 GMT -6
Yes wine does make everything better!!
I totally understand what it's like to be alone with your emotions and sometimes that is the worst time. In those times when you find yourself alone, pick up the phone call a friend, get lost in a good book, or movie. Keep busy and I agree with Matt, don't let yourself break down. Take this time to live for yourself, be spontaneous and just go with the flow. Sometimes the best things that happen in your life are the things that were never planned.
Much Love,
Rae**
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Post by n8vdude on Apr 27, 2014 16:37:12 GMT -6
Kaycee-
I debated on posting my reply here or under relationships... it was directed more to this post but I thought it also fit in with the whole general advice aspect. Hopefully you'll find my reply there. Apologies for the long ramble. Full on stream of consciousness entry. So grab a cup of coffee (or tea) and see what you think about what I've written to you. All my best!
B.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2014 16:51:20 GMT -6
Thanks n8vdude I'll check it out! and yes, Wine has quickly become my best friend in this situation. Haha, sometimes having a glass of wine and dancing to one of my favourite songs gives me a rush of happiness, at least for 3 and a half minutes. I guess it's so easy to jump into bed with someone after something like this, I've found that since being single I've noticed how sexualised a lot of the gay community is, especially on dating websites. I don't necessarily want to do that though. |
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Post by Matt Stout on Apr 27, 2014 17:58:02 GMT -6
I feel that since sex has become easier to get, love has become harder to find. Do NOT lower your standards just so you do not have to be alone! Stay true to your values, and your wine  and you will get through it! ~Matt |
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Post by lordcurtis on Apr 28, 2014 0:12:01 GMT -6
It's very hard. We made so many plans for our future, we talked all the time about moving in together and about how much of a good life we'd share. Then just like that he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore, that he wants other people and it just knocked my confidence in myself completely. It seems that everything reminds me of him. I went out for dinner with a friend today, and I saw a gay couple on a date, on the exact table where me and him had a date too and it really just hit me hard. Like you said, when I'm busy or with friends then I'm completely fine, but the very second I'm alone, I just break down. I am going through a similar situation currently. I have fallen in love with a guy and he just broke it off a week ago. Said he loves me, but doesn't want a relationship right now. I'm heart broken too. I feel like he was the one, and we often talked about staying together for a long time and moving in together and how happy we were with one another. I feel like he is the most beautiful man I have ever seen and we clicked more than anyone I have ever met. It was just so sudden. He wants to stay friends, but I cant. We still have plans to go see Cher though, I mean IT'S CHER! I have to go! He wants me to go. That or he owes me $90! But yes, I can feel for you, I'm in the same spot. Although, He has not been my first, he has made me the happiest and I don't want to lose him, but I know that if this is his final decision, things WILL get better. |
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and you will get through it!
